I just got back from the college and career group for Calvary Chapel Tucson and I'm sadly disappointed. I mean, I don't think I put unreasonable expectations on the group or anything, but it just wasn't home. The worship music felt dead, it felt like my old church where you just prayed the next song would end faster than the one before it. I was still able to get something out of it, but it just seemed to lack the passion. The college group Bible study felt sort of the same. I really want to be challenged into digging deeper, that there will be others there who are spiritually more astute than I at looking into the Word. Sure, there were a few, but it just wasn't the same. And I know that it won't and I was trying my hardest to get past the differences, I mean, I still related to them as my brothers and sisters in Christ, but something just felt like it was missing and I don't think it was just my wonderful church family. I can't really pinpoint it. Anyway, I left there a little bummed out and I still am, but more so because I saw everyone in the group and some of them sort of reminded me of some of our group members, which made me more homesick. I wish I could've been home for Bible study. I was so excited about the group starting again and got so much out of it.
I don't have to work this weekend and I guess my friend Chelsea's going to be down Sunday so tomorrow's pretty much wide open for me. It'll be good though. I'm sort of looking forward to it, yet dreading it at the same time. My first weekend without anyone.
This reminds me of all the times I reassured myself that I could handle being away from everything. The times I wished I could just escape from everything altogether and just be with me and God. My wish has been granted, for the most part and I'm realizing how much dependency was actually there that I hadn't realized. It may seem naive or whatever, but I really didn't think I'd be missing everything as much as I am now. Then again, how do you ever really know until you're put in the situation?
All I can write for my "clincher" is this: pray for me. Pray for my ultimate and complete dependence on God in this time for my source of comfort. Pray for me and my use of the time God has given me and pray that I'll be constructive with it for my own spiritual growth. Please continue to also pray for Obadiah and I as our wedding day approaches. Though it seems far away now, I know that this time is vital for us individually and together to grow so we can be the husband and wife team that God wants us to be for his kingdom. Thank you so much for your prayers. You're in mine as well.
Toodles from Tucson.