2nd day in Tucson and it's getting better. I'm feeling a little bit more comfortable living in this apartment with a person I don't know. Sarah (my roommate) got in this morning from her boyfriend's at about 10 and I went out to make breakfast. She's preparing for the LSAT's in a few weeks, so she had to study. We were able to talk for a while and it was pretty cool. She runs, though it's not something she completely enjoys and says she'd go running with me sometime. She also attends Calvary Chapel here in Tucson with her boyfriend on Saturday nights and, from what I've gathered, they've been together for the last three years. It sounds like they've had many people speak into their lives about getting married rather than "living in sin" although that's not the terminology she used. I think I've got a pretty good opportunity to build a relationship with her and who knows. Please pray for Sarah and I's relationship. I'm going to see if she and her boyfriend wouldn't mind me tagging along this Saturday night to her church and I found out that the church has a college and career group that meets on Friday nights for Bible study, so I'll probably check that out this week.
So all of that is really exciting and I'm so glad I was able to talk to her this morning to get a feel for who she is.
I went running this morning and it reminded me of running in the South Mountain/Awatukee area. There are rolling foothills and lots of desert areas with small sidewalks. I really enjoyed it. I especially enjoy running in a new location to get to know the area a little better, although I've already seen some areas that I won't be running in any time soon.
The grounds at this apartment are just gorgeous. I'm right next to the tennis court, basketball court, sand volleyball court and pool. The pool is unbelievable and there are tons of barbeque areas too. So if anyone is ever up for coming down to visit, we could have a nice barbeque. Sam's Club is right around the corner so we get get lots of really good, cheap meat too. Anyway, something to think about. In terms of sleeping over, I'd have to check with my roommate to find out when her friend is coming to visit, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be a big deal for people to spend the night on the couch.
That's about it for now. Toodles from Tucson!

Hello from Tucson!
I'm here, sitting at my desk in my "new" apartment in Tucson and I have to say, it's pretty nice. I have a shelf above my desk area where I've put some framed pictures (no, they're not all of Obadiah!) so it looks a little more like home. I have a feeling it's going to be a little lonely around here because my roommate is out with her boyfriend pretty frequently, from what I've been told. Anyhoo, I have a bed that's pretty big, a nice bathroom and a closet with one door. That wouldn't be odd if it weren't for the fact that it's supposed to have two doors on it. Oh well, fine by me. My clothes and shoes fit in it, so what more could you ask for (except maybe more clothes...).
So back to shopping, the mall is literally a mile away from where I am and there are tons of other stores too. Pretty crazy if you ask me. People, I don't request living quarters near malls, but somehow it continues to happen! Obadiah's house (in less than a year, Obadiah and I's house) is right near Chandler Fashion and as it is, I am a mere 3 miles from Fiesta Mall. Thank goodness I don't live near Scottsdale Fashion!
I'm sure you're bored with the shop talk, so I'll stop...
It was tough leaving today, but for more than the reasons of leaving family, friends and a fiance (I love saying that!). This morning I checked my e-mail only to find one from my best friend saying she needed to talk to me immediately. I'd never received an e-mail like that from her before so I knew it was serious. Her dad died of a heart attack on Thursday. I had just talked to her on Wednesday night after Obadiah and I got engaged and everything was going great with the family, better than it had been in a long time. Then, bam!, the next morning he was gone. It suddenly brought back a flood of emotion and reminded me of when my dad had a heart attack when I was 18. Heart attacks are just so prevelent now, it's just frightening to me. I'm so afraid of losing other people to the same health condition. To everyone reading this: Please take care of yourself. Extra weight around the mid-section makes you more likely to suffer a heart attack, not getting sufficient cardiovascular exercise, eating poorly--fried foods, saturated fats (think butter, ice cream, animal fats, etc), cholesterol laden foods---please, if not for anyone else, do it for me. Also, you don't have to have weight problems to have heart problems--remember that. I love you all, please take care of yourselves!
So now I'm in a dilemma because I can't up and leave my job that I'll start on Tuesday and fly to Washington to be by my best friend's side, but I feel the strong urgency to be there for her. I can't imagine doing it without your best friend there.
Please keep the family in your prayers. My best friend's name is Christal and her mom's name is Jayne.

I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself the next two days. I have to check out the drive to work tomorrow to figure out how to get to the newspaper office. Aside from that, I won't have anything to do or anyone to do "nothing" with. What can you do though?
If you have any questions, comments or concerns, I've got a comments section now...feel free.
P.S. Tucson is not as ghetto as I thought it would be.

I'M GETTING MARRIED! Yes kids, it's official. My best friend popped the question last night at youth group and it was awesome! I only wish I hadn't been so caught up in the moment, then I'd be able to tell you exactly what he said to me as he got down on one knee. It was the single greatest thing to happen to me in almost my entire life (aside from giving my life to Christ). I have to say, everyone should experience it. :)
We have to take the ring to get it sized; just a little bit too big, so I'm going to have to do without it for a day or a few hours sometime before I leave, which stinks but then I won't have to worry about losing it. By the by, it's the most beautiful ring! I have no idea how to describe it except for the fact that the middle stone is a 1/3 of a carat and round-cut, then there are two outside diamonds that are..1/4 carat I think and are cut like triangles (what that's called, I don't know) and the gold band tapers into it so it sort of looks like a flower with the middle round part and two leaves on the outside-kind of like a bow. I don't know how else to describe it except for bling bling baby! :) Sparkle, sparkle!
Thank you so much to everyone who was "in on it." It was so special and I definitely felt very special for it. I'm the very luckiest girl in the world and now comes one of the fun wedding preparations...I get to go shopping!!!! How often do I get excited about shopping on here...?
Thanks again to everyone and I hope we're able to invite as many people as we can to the wedding, etc. Whoohoo! We're getting married!

p.s. 3 days until Tucson... :*(
: )

Hello all, and welcome to my blog again. I finally sat down and figured out how to do the comment thingy so now I can get some feedback if anyone would like to leave it.
Last night I painted at the house for about 4 hours. For about three of those I was on my own and managed to get quite a bit done. I've realized that painting is both relaxing and frustrating, all at once. You can relax and just paint and listen to music, however, after you finish painting the entire room, you have to go back over it again. Oh well, it's looking really nice.
The painter should be stopping by the house today to take a look at it, then tomorrow he's going to paint the ceiling and the top portion of the living room. Very very good. One less section to paint. :)
As for me, this is my last day at good ol' KAET Channel 8 and I think I have only one more transcript to do! Whoohoo!
Countdown to Tucson: 5 days
Packing done: 0
"Piling" done: lots
This Sunday, people! The week is going to pick up quite a bit from here. Tonight I'm taking Obadiah's sister Hannah out to dinner and a movie as a birthday/graduation present, tomorrow I have a car appointment for "the works" at 7 a.m. until 10:30 a.m., then work from 12:00-6:00pm, then Youth until 8ish and then who knows? Thursday I have work from 7 a.m. until 6 p.m., then hopefully, dinner with my parents at the wonderful, Souper Salad!--who knows what else after that. Friday same work schedule and it is Hannah's graduation and probably some sort of Pinner family fun time (just kidding--not sure), Saturday morning my family and I are moving Obadiah's stuff into the house, then I suppose I should probably go home and pack... :) Then Sunday morning, bright and early, I'm off! :) :( A little of both...
Anticipation.
Waiting for the day
Exhiliration.
The moment is almost here
Liberation.
A time for doing my thing
Longing.
To bring the ones I love along with me
Uneasiness.
Thinking of all the unknowns
Excitement.
To meet so many more people
Wondering.
Will I find a good church family?
Seeking.
Myself, to experience my desires
Hoping,
The road less traveled will not be too far

Less than one week until I leave for Tucson. Nervous yet excited...
So Obadiah and I spent our weekend painting inside the house. It was a lot of fun to see the changes in the rooms we painted after applying a different color to them. We painted the master bedroom a really nice light beige color and then the guest bedroom/second room a very light blue color. Can you believe we painted for two days and only got the two rooms finished? Well, I guess that's pretty good come to think of it. Anyway, my parents are also having a painter go in sometime this week to paint parts of the living room. The living room has huge vaulted ceilings, so there's no way we can possibly do it without hurting ourselves! It was a really nice gesture on their part and I'm very happy that I don't have to worry about Obadiah being perched precariously on a 50 foot ladder. :) Is 50 feet high or in houses? I'm just making up the number so I don't know if that's correct or not, but the ceilings are high.
I think the best part of it was picking out the colors at Home Depot. Home Depot is definitely not my kind of shopping unless it has to do with picking out knobs or handles or colors or fans or lights or cabinets; those kinds of things. Then when you throw in wiring or wood or power tools, that's when it's not so fun. I was telling Obadiah "so, basically, Home Depot is to you like the mall is to me and the mall is to you like Home Depot is to me?" Quite interesting. I don't think I know a single guy who doesn't enjoy Home Depot...
I'll probably go and paint more this evening without Obadiah. He's golfing today with his boss and then there's some sort of prime rib dinner in the evening afterward. Poor baby! :)
This week is going to be extremely crazy. Graduations, making time for family and friends before I leave as well as packing preparations and helping Obadiah move into the house, which he'll more than likely be doing on Saturday morning. It's interesting how everything seemed to come down this week, of all weeks.
Friday night was a blast with the college group! I loved the lesson and then of course, our activities afterward were even more fun! Our college group moms are CRAZY! Earplugs please! Seriously though, for all who missed out, you really missed out. Denny's at 1 in the morning baby, whoohoo! Love that hot chocolate...
Well, I suppose I should get to work. The transcripts are calling...

The producers just got done with their Friday meeting and wanna guess what they brought with them? Giant cinnamon rolls. I have other food though, a delicious, juicy red apple. Doesn't that sound so much better? I'll survive...

IT'S FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!! Whoohoo! Only 7 more hours of work until the weekend starts!! whoo...hoo...wait a minute, 7 more hours??!! Dangit.
Oh well, onward and upward.
Once again, I am met with a lull between transcripts and office clerical work. I think my internship is officially secretary/coordinator with "secretary" being about 80% of the time and "coordinator" being 20% of the time. Oh well, at least I'm learning something...
College group is tonight people! How very exciting it is. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone again this week and just enjoying the company and getting into the Word. I've really missed it a lot.
Countdown to Tucson: 8 days--can you believe it? I can't...
So this whole G.I. Diet is going pretty well, although the exercise part of it has yet to be consistent. It'll get on track though. But the "dieting" part is going pretty well, although I have to admit that it's not easy passing up chips and cookies--why does junk food have to taste so darn good? And why do I have to work at a house where they are abundantly available? Just my luck, but things will be better this summer, as I will be doing all the groceries and completely controlling what's around me, aside from "office food," which is not that difficult to resist as long as you have other food. Still, I'm going to do this and get in better shape; very important, don't you know? ;)
¿Qué más? Well, that's one thing I haven't focused on for the last week; Spanish. I need to get back to studying it. Oh! So I got my grades for the semester; 3 A's and 2 B's. Kind of a bummer because I was expecting a B for Spanish but hoping for an A in my Media Research Methods class. In order to be considered for an A you had to take this final plus meet requirements for test retakes. I met the requirements, which entitled me for a B automatically, but I wanted an A so I took the test and it was just terrible. The longest, worst test of my entire life. So basically I wasted a ton of time studying for it and taking it because I ended up with the grade that I would've gotten anyway. Oh well, at least I tried.
This is so stream of consciousness right now because truly, there is nothing to do...not a thing to do.
Okay, well, rather than boring you with my "boredness" I suppose I'll just say TTFN-Ta-Ta For Now
That's all she wrote folks, "the bored one"

Good morning everyone! (or at least it is as I'm writing this)
What's new? The day! A very warm one. :sigh:
So I hear that some the leaders from the high school group went and ambushed the senior high students at 4 this morning. Quite interesting. I'm thanking my lucky stars that I wasn't around at their age and that my pastor's wife and leaders didn't grab me out of bed before school. I can't even imagine. However, it does remind me of cross country camp...
We would run twice daily; once, very early in the morning and once in the afternoon. However, the morning was the roughest. We didn't use alarm clocks (because most didn't have them at camp) and we stayed up decently late. We met up with another team from Wickenburg and their coach had a daily habit of playing the bugle to wake us up. After the first two mornings of that you can bet I was awake and ready for the horn. I'm not sure there is a worse way to wake up...wait, I take that back. My mom used to wake my sister and I up in the morning by flipping on the lights and singing "Rise and Shine." I'm scarred for life by both that song and I can't sleep if there's a hint of light in my room. It's interesting how things from your childhood can affect you when you're older...
So, lesson kids, when you have your own kids, don't torture them with "the lights" in the morning to wake them up. You'll forever have kids who won't be able to sleep if there is any bit of light out.
I'm not sure how the leaders woke up the teens, but I hope they didn't use any of the aforementioned techniques because I don't think that would put many people in good moods for the day. Then again, they did get to go to Denny's at 6 a.m.
Off to work I go, hi ho hi ho. More transcripts to be completed. For all of you who don't know, when a show offers to send you the transcripts, that means the closed captioning people (the people who type up everything that's said in a show), send the station the copy, then it is turned over to the interns to watch the tape IN ITS ENTIREITY only to place who said what before each quote in the copy. For this I am glad that Horizon and Horizonte are only half hour programs. I feel bad for the interns at Dr. Phil's show. I will NEVER EVER ask for a transcript for that reason.
Toodles. :)

:Sigh: A lull in work right now. Just waiting to get the script for tonight's show so I can begin my "coordinating" duties.
Today I bought Obadiah's present for our 2-year anniversary (next Thursday, by the by) and of course, I'm not going to say what I got him, but suffice to say it is great and he's going to love it! I so enjoy getting people presents and shopping for others...then again, I like shopping for myself too...maybe I just like shopping... :)
Anyway, so I got that done today, whoohoo (was racking my brain for a while trying to figure out what to get him), and now it is only 10 days until I am in Tucson. Pretty crazy huh? It's amazing to me that this time has already flown by--I've been out of school for a whole week already!
So for all of you looking for something new to try, a way to get your eating habits in order and drop your BMI number, listen up! I just found a great book. It's called the "G.I. Diet." It's not really a diet though, it's more like a way to get your eating lifestyle in order. It goes in two phases, however, the first phase is getting used to a new way of eating and watching food and getting to your ideal BMI number. However, the second phase is all about incorporating your new eating lifestyle into your future. The diet basically focuses on your glucosamine index (or is it glucose index...). It's like a diabetic. When their sugar levels get low, they snag a banana or orange juice which spikes their levels and also their insulin levels. The bad part about doing this to yourself is that most of those foods 1) don't stick around for long, so you get hungrier faster 2) store quicker as fat in your body and actually can prevent burning more fat. So you cut out lots of the processed foods, eat more fruits and vegetables and good complex carbohydrates (stone ground wheat) and cut down on lots of dairy products, especially cheese because of all the saturated fat (bad for the heart folks). It's a way to really watch what you're eating and get healthy and faze out the bad stuff.
I started reading the book yesterday (read the entire thing; very concise and makes perfect sense)and I realized while I was reading it, that the things I thought were really healthy (pretzels, fat free yogurt, fat free jello pudding, etc) are not that great because they boost you up really quick, but don't really satisfy for long.
I started today with the "diet" and have had oatmeal (no sugar)and an apple for breakfast, a tuna sandwich on whole wheat for lunch and an apple and water for a snack. I'm actually feeling really good. The other benefit, so the book says, is that you'll feel less lethargic from all of the bad stuff you consume.
Other things about it, in phase one: no alcohol (bad news for us just-turned-21-year-olds), no caffeine (no problem for me since I hate coffee and soda--except for the occasional root beer), no ice cream (sniff, sniff), no pizza (sniff sniff sniff), no milk chocolate (sniff,sniff, sniff, sniff), no fried or battered....so no junk food. The book teaches you to eat HEALTHY and BALANCED.
I sound like a salesperson don't I? Anyway, I need some encouragement, so no waving pizza, ice cream (or any kind of dessert for that matter!) or chocolate under my nose, k? Anyone want to join me so I have some comradarie?

Time flies when you're having fun. It's been several days of vacation and I feel so much more like myself now. I'm looking forward to next semester and trying to figure out work as well. I'm not sure if I'm going to work as a nanny next semester because they want me two days a week and I'm a little nervous about committing to two days with all of the writing I'll be doing. But I'll see if I can strike a deal with them about that...
For all of you that didn't make it out to college group on Friday night, you totally missed out. It felt so nice to get everyone together on a Friday night and hang out and dig into the Word. I have to say I was a bit skeptical, only because I wasn't sure of what to expect, but it was really cool. I'm looking forward to this Friday night. Oh! And for all of the college girls who read this, we're planning on going out on Saturday night for a "girls night," which means dinner somewhere and then maybe cosmic bowling? Anyone up for it? Give me a call and we'll figure out the time details. Or, come on Friday night to the college group and we'll figure it out further. I'd like to have a chill night with the girls before I leave for the summer, so it would mean a lot to me!
Anyhoo, I better get to work and figure out what needs to be done around the office (not much I'm sure, since I did most of it yesterday). Take care and God bless and continue to keep Chrissy in your prayers for the baby--she's a little over half way there! :)

MY SEMESTER IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHOOHOOHOHOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(not done yet)...
YIPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So let me begin by saying that today is a GLORIOUS, glorious day! I've had the wonderful opportunity to take the day off from work, be done with school for the summer and just do whatever I wanted to do. It has truly been a great day and I feel so relieved that everything is done and I can move on to classes and things that I enjoy so much more. :D Oh happy day!
I started the day by waking up when my body was ready to wake up, which ended up only being 8 a.m.--not so bad for sleeping in. It tells me that I didn't completely drain my body over the last few weeks. Then, I went running, got cleaned up, watched the rest of Roman Holiday, a fabulous Audrey Hepburn movie (my favorite movie star in the whole wide world!) and then I went shopping! No kids, not for any other reason but to get my wardrobe ready for the newsroom in Tucson. I have to look professional, you know? Can't go in there in my tank tops and college girl capris. So I spent a little bit of money, nothing that will put me in debt, but had a great time just being out and about.
Then, when I had had enough (or should I say, when my credit card had had enough-), I came back home and have been sitting around doing absolutely NOTHING for the last hour. It's been one of the nicest hours in a long, long time. I was ready for a break.
Tonight my family, Obadiah and another couple and I are all going to the Third Day concert. Lots of fun.
Anyway, thanks for all the love and support during this stressful time---now it's over! Tucson, watch out! I'm coming for you in two weeks!

Obedience.
I walked in your shadow,
One step it seemed behind.
Believing I had everything
But one thing left to find.
I asked you for the blessing,
But you only turned and smiled
Told me just to wait and see
Which drove me nearly wild.
I felt I had deserved it
And often grew angry with you.
Asking you why I couldn't have it
Asking if there was anything I could do.

But we continued on down the pathway
Meeting many friends along the way,
Me always asking you if I could have it yet
You only smiling in a way words couldn't say.

Then the day came when you finally turned
And stopped me at a point
I asked you what you wanted me to do
And you blessed me and began to annoint.
I felt so unworthy of this love
Uncertain that it was the time
Questioning you if you were really certain
That this blessing should be mine.

You turned me to the blessing with a smile
And continued on your walk,
And I followed, amazed,
As we began to talk.

Somewhere along the way we stopped,
And you waited there too
Asking us to join you again,
Reminding us that your love was true.
But it was so easy to get wrapped up in ourselves
And turn the other cheek
Sometimes only talking about our earthly lives
Not listening to you speak.

My heart desires to give my blessing back
So you can hold it and lift it up
So that you can bless the blessing
And overfill his cup.
I've been so fortunate, so graced
With the gift from above
And more than anything I want to honor you
And show you the depth of my love.

So I give it to you to hold
Knowing in the future you'll give it back
My blessing will be even more amazing
More prepared to make an impact.
I'll never be able to express my gratitude
After all is said and done
But I know that you will be standing there
After the race is raced and won.
Inspired by 1 Samuel 1:1

Hey kids! It's 10:30 and I'm quitting my studying for the night. My last two finals are tomorrow and I have an optional term paper due as well. Thanks for all who have sent up a little prayer or two for me lately. I'm hanging in there and am in much better spirits now that the light at the end of the tunnel is visible. I've been studying hard and it's almost all over with!
I've noticed, for the umpteenth time, that my obsessive nature tends to return around stressful times such as these and you know what I easily turn to? Okay, so there's a list and it's not in any particular order or anything, but here's what I've noticed....
Dealing with something tough, emotional---cleaning (good time to think and get something done...however, dirt just seems to stand out more when I'm upset..what's up with that?)
Dealing with school---food ( I become ravenous and I have no idea why--but I've been drinking gallons of water to try to combat this and also trying to incorporate low cal things that are chocolate as opposed to the really bad stuff--i.e Ben & Jerry's will NEVER be full fat)
Dealing with a comination of the two or just want to celebrate--shopping (c'mon girls, you gotta understand me on this one! I mean, I don't spend a fortune (thank goodness or I'd be flat broke!) but there's something about getting a new pair of earrings or buying that darling Audrey Hepburn purse with a picture straight from Breakfast at Tiffany's on it with rhinestone accents....okay, so it was my $20 splurge for the week...)
Anyway, my point in all this is simply analytical. What is my deal and where in the heck did these coping mechanisms come from? I mean, writing does the trick most of the time for me, but sometimes it feels like I'm dwelling on something if I write about it. So welcome to a day in the life of Jen. Sit back, fasten your seatbelts, folks...(u know the rest).
So Obadiah broke the news---he is signing the papers on the house tomorrow and getting the keys on Friday. It's very exciting, but I've already warned him that he's not allowed to make any drastic changes to the house this summer without talking to me first. I figure "hey, it'll be my house in a matter of...well, one year from Friday." :)
I hope you all are doing great out there and I will continue to survive until tomorrow afternoon around 4ish. After that, I will be in meltdown mode and will only be focused on relaxing and coming down from a ridiculous studying high...or is it considered a low..? I don't know. Anyway, I'll be trying to get back to my normal self (whatever that means!).
Chat later...

Taking a break from studying for now. Things have been pretty busy around here with finals and work and getting things set up for the summer and for the fall. I got my living situation figured out finally..I'm going to live in the apartment as opposed to the house. I think it will present more opportunities to do some outreach and the money was a decent aspect to consider. I'll just have to figure out where I can run over there. But I'm looking forward to the experience although I still don't think it's hit me that I'm going to be gone all summer long. I don't think it will become totally real until I'm in my apartment alone with all of my stuff. But I'll definitely keep everyone updated on what's going on in Tucson-land and how my job is going and all of that. I'll especially report if I see a dead body or something outrageous. I hope I don't get nightmares from covering the cops beat...
Anyway, so today I have one more final that will determine if I receive an A or a B. But I'm not stressing over it. I think I just look at finals with a different perspective than many people I know. I just have to study and do my best and whatever I end up with, I end up with. There's nothing much else I can do about it besides that. I still have about an hour until that final and my last final ended at about 8:30, so basically I've been sitting around studying, I took a power nap, ate lunch and now here I am.
What else to talk about...well, I'm really excited for someone for something, but I can't say it because I'm sure he wants to break the news to everyone who reads these blogs. It looks like he just hasn't had a chance to update his yet. He's a busy boy though. But that's what you have to do sometimes.
Well, I guess I'll get going and study my broadcasting material more. I'll try my best and that's all I can really do.
Until later!

Okay, disregard the next post. Apparently I'm going crazy...

Don't ask me what happened with the next post and why there are three of the same ones...I tried to edit it, but it's not working...

Exciting news---I received two offers for jobs--one from the State Press and the other, the State Press Magazine! It doesn't happen often, from what I've gathered from the staff I talked to, so I felt very flattered. Anyway, I accepted the Magazine, so I'll be a full-time writer for them next semester. I'm very very excited about it.
Aside from that, lots and lots of studying to do this weekend. Tomorrow has been designated "homework day," as it has been for the last few weeks. I need to just sit down and study all day. So, I probably won't be seeing much of the light of day, which is fine by me as long as a lot is accomplished. I'm way more motivated when I have a huge, uninterrupted chunk of time to just do it, you know? Otherwise, I'm always thinking about what I'm doing next or later. It's good just to say "no" flat, to everything.
Anyhoo, better get back to the books.

:Sigh: After ten years, Friends is over. Pretty sad, actually. It's really been the only show that I've never minded watching; rerun or not. Oh well...
I'm getting slightly jealous of all the blogs that I'm surrounded by. We've got colorful ones, ones with comment thingys on them, ones with surveys and pictures. I have so much creativity built up and no where to put it! Dang my EDT 323 class and its Dreamweaver software! I wish I could've learned computer code a lot better. I just want a pink background and a few pictures..is that too much to ask???
So one interview down, one more to go. I interviewed for the State Press newspaper (ASU college paper for all you non-ASU'rs) and then tomorrow I've got the State Press Magazine, which is published once a week. I nailed the interview today and took the writing test, which I think went pretty well. We'll see what happens. It's in God's hands. So is the class I applied for. I'm not sure when I'll find out about either one, though I think State Press will be very soon. We'll see if they want me or not! :)
House hunting in Tucson is going pretty well. It's now between two options: a furnished room in a really nice house in the Catalina foothills (at least I think that's what they're called) or a furnished apartment. The first option is $400/month flat, but I called and asked if they could do $350/month instead and the second option is $220/month plus utilities which are only about $40, so about $260/month. The complex looks nice, but I'm still sending my friend over there to scope it out for me since I can't exactly get down there this weekend. I'll probably make my decision by Monday. And, if I hear back about the State Press, I may have to decide that too which would in turn make me have to decide if I'm done nannying for good or not. This is a full week with studying for finals and it's only gotten more chaotic with these decisions all happening at once. I know that it will work out though because I firmly believe I am where I am right now because of God.
So, I've decided that if I end up at the apartment, I want to buy a DVD/video tape player---Obadiah, what do you think? We could put it in your house when I get back in August and then we'd have one. (Communication is here and there right now, but I'm pretty sure he checks this blog....)
Anyhoo, if anyone sees him or talks to him before me...like if you see Paul or David, let them know to let him know that I want to buy a DVD/video tape player soon. There, that should get to him no matter what now! ;) He'll be hiking all weekend with the boys and I'll be studying all weekend with my pals: Tiananmen Square: The Rape of Peking and Broadcast News Writing, Reporting and Producing. They seem cool, huh? Oh, and I think I figured out the annotation thing, in case anyone was wondering. Now all I have to do is read 6 different sources by Monday so I can put some things together by Wednesday. PLENTY of time... :)
What else is on my mind...well, wouldn't you know, it's blank right now. That's all she wrote....

I feel you call my name
And I know that you are here
I've waited all day long
To shed these weary tears.
You call to me in my darkness
And tell me everything's all right
That you've never left me alone
And that you're bringing me the light.
I smile through glistening eyes
As you sit down to comfort me
And I feel you sympathize
As you tell me I am free.

Still here I am left pondering
The simplest of all things
Wondering where you went
And what the future brings.
I've been dealing with this pain in my heart
For longer than I care to admit
And still it remains here, everpresent
In this place where I sit.

Why do so many wish to inflict pain
And teach a child they're not good enough
That no matter what they do the bar is raised
And the good girl needs to be tough?
Take away her tears
Her ways to vent
Take away her forgiveness
Saying it's already been spent?
Good enough for a time
But mistakes will cost her
And regaining what she once had
Will take quite some time, for sure.

What they don't know can hurt her
For she's taken the lessons learned
She's implemented them in her own life now
And believes forgiveness is earned.

Feliz Cinco de Mayo! Well, I guess it's almost over now. Anyway, I was going to go and hang out with a friend tonight after I taped the show at KAET, but she bailed. She had a massive headache so I guess we'll reschedule. It really bummed me out though. I'm missing fellowship time, communicating time. When I'm not at school or at work or doing schoolwork, what little free time I have is spent with my boyfriend or my family or church. I feel like there's been quite a disconnect lately. I guess I just miss talking for hours on the phone with my best friends. I've drifted into an even deeper slump this after spending time with one of my best friends this past weekend in Tucson. Being around her made me feel homesick, if that makes any sense. We know each other so well and i can talk to her about anything and she'll completely understand. And she's always there for me when I need her, even though her free time is probably even less than mine. But she's a true friend and even now as I write about her, I can't help but feel sad and tear up a bit.
But hey, that's life right? Busy with getting things in order for the future, undergoing change, feeling a little lonely. I suppose I should get used to it to an extent, being that I'll really be dealing with it when I move down to Tucson this summer. Chels won't be there, she'll be coming back up to Phoenix. So hopefully I can meet some good, fun people.
I thought things would get better as I got older. That making friends would come more naturally, that I'd just ease into a group and run around with lots of people in college. But the more I grow up, the more I realize that some things never change. I'm still the girl that has a tough time making "run around" friends, the girl who would rather sit around and talk about deeper things or go to the mall and talk about deep issues while browsing through clothes I won't buy. I'm still the girl with insecurities, still the girl who tends to me more introspective and reserved when given the chance. I just wonder why there's such a scarcity of shoulders to cry on. I have my girls at church, but there's a part of me that just doesn't want to burden them because I know they have a lot on their plates too. And I guess what makes things even harder is the fact that my world operates on a spur of the moment sort of deal because I never know when time will free up. When it does, somethings else pops up in its place. Take for example, my MCO 302 class. We have to retake every question we get wrong on the tests we take if we want to get an A. We just took a test on Monday, got it back today and now I need to study and retake those questions along with all of my other school studies. I hope this doesn't sound like complaining because really it isn't.
I love my life and I love the things I'm striving for, the things I'm learning, the wonderful, caring people who surround me. I couldn't possibly ask for anything better. However, the statement still stands: it'll never be good enough...because I'm not perfect, I can't always give 110 percent effort for everything I do. But that's the standard, the gold standard to which I feel I'm measured. Call me a perfectionist. Call me crazy...whatever you want. I'll still always be that girl who needs something else, someone else to carry her burdens, tell her it's okay not to do everything perfectly and that no one should pressure her into feeling like she's not good enough. I'll still always need that reassuring voice in my mind that occasionally makes me break down into tears and helps me realize what a Ragamuffin I am, how much I need Christ and how weak I am without him. I'll still need that reassurance to tell me that walking by faith and not by sight is more important than having a clear picture mapped out in my head regarding my future. I'll still need to take a deep break, swallow the lump in my throat and move on even through opposition to the things I feel called to do in my life. I still need Him to cradle me at nighttime when I'm in prayer and tell me that He's here for me...Abba, Daddy.

Había pensado de muchas cosas y me parece que no puedo hacer decisiones hasta que me graduo. ¿Por qué es que tengo venti-uno años y no puedo decidir donde quiero vivir, cuando quiero casarme y a cualquier hora quiero volver a mi casa. Estoy muy agradecida que mis padres hacen tanto mucho para mi, pero quiero crecer. Quisiera aprender por la experiencia.
Sólo quiero casarme con mi novio para terminar algunas de estas dificultidades.

Díos, llamo a tí para ayuda
Necesito tener paciencia
Pero la calle es larga
Y siento cansada.
Ayudeme ver la vida en un luz diferente.
Ayudeme buscarte entre la oscuridad.

My sister's fish died. Totally croaked. And you know what she did? She came into my room this morning GLEEFUL about the fact that he was dead. Dead...lying at the bottom of the bowl. And here's the bad part...he's still dead on the bottom of the bowl! So not only did he die a lonely death, but he hasn't even received a prompt and proper burial at sea yet! I tell you folks, it's terrible. Please...(hear me on this one) PLEASE, when I die, treat me better than my sister did the fish. Not that that's going to happen any time soon, but you know what I mean. Geez...the poor fish..no respect I tell you, no respect.
Life in my fish bowl has been a little on the murky side as well. Finals tend to do that to you. And interviews for jobs that are 4 months away. And moving to an unfamiliar city where you just want to live in the place you feel most comfortable and in safety and peace and quiet. But, the bright side is that I have pretty much all day tomorrow, all day Thursday, all day Friday and all day Saturday to study for finals and write a 6 page report (extra credit) that I haven't even started yet. Anyone know how to write a term paper with annotations? If so, feel free to let me know, cuz at this point I'm going to be searching through old English 101 textbooks for it. Spare me the time so I can read the information I need to have for the paper...
But at least I can have a little bit of time right now to collect my thoughts...and stare at the poor dead fish. Why did we put him on the computer desk anyway? What could be more depressing than that? Watching a bunch of college students yawn their way through paper after paper...no wonder he died. I'm surprised he didn't die sooner... of boredom!
And that's probably what I'm doing to you right now.
Okay, onward and upward, onto the more serious side...
Today I found out about a really cool opportunity. For the first time in the "J-school's" history, they're starting a program where one Depth Reporting class will enterprise story ideas, assign ideas, research and interview and then go down to Monterrey, Mexico for 7-10 days to meet with journalism students at Monterrey Tec University and do it all in Spanish while getting more info. Then, a magazine will be put together with all of the information, pictures from the photojournalism student, and a webpage put together and several TV packages. The magazine will be sent out nationwide! How cool is that? Anyway, I talked with the director today and she said she can only accept 6 print students, 4 TV people, 1 webpage person and 1 photog for the class. Only 12 people. And she said the trip will cost less than $500 and they're trying to get America West Airlines to fund our tickets down there. Then it would be really cheap. But this is such an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime experience that will add so much to a resume, not to mention provide some amazing clips. I talked with my journalism prof who is a mentor of sorts to me for journalism advice and she said it would be a great class for me. This lady knows the biz, so I trust her judgment there. She hasn't steered me wrong yet. So I have to go through an application process now and, wouldn't you know, just like everyone else, the due date is during finals. Whoohoo! I also have two interviews this week--one for the State Press newspaper (school newspaper) and the other for the weekly State Press Magazine. We'll see what happens with them. I'm hopeful though.
:sigh: phew...
Pray for me and this whole living thing in Tucson. I had it all pretty much sorted out in my head until now. Dang, I tried so hard and found a great deal...anyway, I need prayer for patience to deal with that situation and not do anything I regret. I just want to make some decisions on my own, you know? This really is a funny age. Such a tightrope.
Moving on...
I was reading in Matthew this morning...Mr. Matt 21 was pretty funny actually. I love the New Living Translation of the Bible because it just seems so much more true to life, you know? Okay, so what I got a kick out of was Jesus' conversation with the leading priests and others..
21:23-27
To paraphrase, the priests and the other guys confront Jesus, which i picture going like this...
Priests and homeboys: Dude, what's your problem? You think you're the boss of this Temple and can make people just leave because you want them gone?
Jesus: I'll tell you that IF you answer one question (:think Monty Python and the Holy Grail and the bridge scene) ...John's baptism was it from man or from God?
:Jeopardy music begins...:
:Priests huddle together like a bunch of football players, one every once-in-a-while stealing a look over his shoulder to glance at Jesus, who's calmly standing nearby with his hands clasped together in front of him)
:Priests in huddle: "Dude, we can't say it was from God or he'll ask us why we thought he was frontin'...and we can't say it's from man because then we'll get jacked up by this mob because they think he's the man"
:Silence...cricket chirp, cricket chirp:
:Priests and homeboys turn back to Jesus:
Priests and homeboys: "We don't know." :shrugs:
:Jesus, cocks head and smiles: "Then I won't answer your question either.
:Walks away:

I could totally see that happening in real life. The priests and men knowing they were caught and yet still trying to get out of it. Ooo, ephiphany! That totally reminds me of some of the kids I've done Bible studies with before on Sundays (quite a while ago, mind you). It's like they didn't want to mess up so rather than going one way or another, to save face, they'd say "I don't know." But it's just like Jesus did...he's not going to the answer the question until he gets a straight answer. I like that he doesn't beat around the bush with them or us for that matter. We need more of that, don't you think? I know I do...sorry, more stream of thought.
So that's my "deep thought" for the night. I'm pretty tired. And tomorrow I will begin my 5 day journey to understanding everything there is to know about Tianenmen Square in China, how to make a soundbite most appealing, why we use wallpaper footage, the role of news consultants in the global media and, your favorite and mine, how to conjugate a verb fifty million different ways. I bet you're jealous now. I'm sorry that I have made you stumble. Goodnight.

:Sigh: I suck at being a Christian. Okay, so I don't completely suck at being a Christian, but dangit, Christ has done so much for me, so why do I continually screw up, continually alienating him by not being as faithful to him as he is to me? Definitely not easy...guess I just have to pick myself up, dust myself off and continue on. Forgiveness...do I deserve it? Do I take it for granted?

Dang I'm hungry...and my boss is eating popcorn....is that considered unlawful treatment of your employees? Could I take that to court....smells so good...okay, so I'm not going to bore you anymore.
'Til next time...

Helplessness
Like a bird in a hurricane.
Love
Like a mother to a child.
Desperate
Like a drowning victim's struggle to the top.
Isolation
Like a leper in a city

Here and yet not,
Alone in a crowd
Conveying nothing
Seeing everything.

...Speak to me,
And tell me all the things that I need to know
I want to hear you now..
Can you?
Speak to me...

Comfort
Like tears to a handkerchief
Like the softness of a pillow
Like the warmth of the first day of Spring.

...I need you like water, like breath, like life,
I need you like mercy from heaven's grace
There's a freedom in your arms that carries me through
I need you...

Give me that pillow
That gasp of air.
Give me that handkerchief,
That eye of the storm.
Bring me to safety
Bring me to life.
Take away the self pity
Take away the worry
Take away the self doubt
Take away the insecurities
Take away the black box
Take away the bindings
Take away them all
For the freedom of your arms
Abba
Daddy.