Friday, April 29, 2005

Two weeks from tomorrow I will be Mrs. "P." How nuts is that? whoops, I don't mean that the idea is crazy, just the fact that it's coming up so soon. It's amazing to me that it's right around the corner and it doesn't feel like it. I guess that happens when you prepare for so long for something that never seems like it's ever going to happen. Graduation is less than two weeks away and I have finals starting on Thursday. My last day of work for both jobs is Thursday as well. I'll be leaving my internship along with the 2 boys I've watch grow up for the past four years. That'll be crazy too.
I am looking forward to having a vacation though. All this planning and preparing has tuckered me out and work and everything else has only added to it. But you know what? God has really kept me safe and, for the most part, healthy through everything and I am so grateful for that. I've been able to rest this semester even though every waking minute seems to be filled. He's provided time to spend with Obadiah, time to get my schoolwork done, time to pack up my room and other household items and time to get other misc. things out of the way. Still a list of little things to do, but we're almost there, thankfully. Now if I can only get everyone organized to decorate the reception site facilities on the big day.....

Saturday, April 16, 2005

The place where I grew up is empty now. I walked into my childhood room and looked around. It had been filled with workout equipment after I left, but the pink valance over the window was still there and the window sill was still the same tea rose pink as when I loved it. There used to be hearts and cats along the border of my room, but they were painted over when I left. The closet is bare now and I couldn't help but step inside one last time. I used to sit and read inside my closet. It was my special spot, sort of like I was camping out with my flashlight in my dark closet among old clothes hangin at the back of it. The practice was abandoned as soon as I was in junior high school and outgrew the space. Now the top of my head is about the height of the top shelve of the closet. Amazing what time can do.
I sat outside on the grass and looked up at the stars one last time from my childhood home. I couldn't smell the cows the way I used to be able to. The dairies have long since moved further south.
It was a night I'll never forget and a place that will always hold fond memories. But I'll never go back there and the home where my parents are now, will never feel like home for me. I'll be going to "my parents' house." Wow. So much change and life in store for me right around the corner.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

With wedding preparations also comes moving preparations. It's a time when I get to discover all of the things I stuck in boxes and forgot about. Such is the case when my parents handed me two of my boxes that were in their attic. I haven't opened one of the boxes, but it's huge. The other one I got from them on Sunday and opened it that evening. It was filled with plaques and trophies. I remember putting those things away about 4 years ago when I graduated high school. It was a much different time in my life and my view of life and what it was about was much different as well. I had been a successful cross country and track runner and fairly athletic through my teenage years so the plaques and trophies were my prized possessions. The box had "IMPORTANT: DO NOT THROW OUT OR SELL" scribbled in magic marker across the top. First of all, who would have wanted to buy someone else's plaque or trophy? It just shows how important they were to me.
As I sifted through the plaques and trophies, I was flooded with memories of cross country races and the way I led my team. I remembered being honored as a Student of the Month of my whole high school and how my cross country coach, also math teacher, encouraged me through it all. I stared at a softball with all of my stats from my 7th grade team and the trophy we won as a team in 8th grade when we finished first after a tough game.
But they don't matter now. They're only past memories and clutter, but I still struggled to throw them away. I put three of my sports plaques away and threw out the rest of the clunky trophies. What will I ever do with them?
It reminds me of the sermon Pastor Mark gave this past Sunday. He talked about the things we put to death and buried when we began following Christ and how often we dig those things back up and want to play with them. The things that used to be so important to us have been buried with Christ. I would hope that the pride that I had, the obnoxious, sometimes over-the-top competitiveness I had, have been buried and remain there, but as I looked at the trophies, I knew that at least some of the pride was still there. I was good. Really good.
I found the NCAA sports clearance sheet in my closet the other day; proof that I was eligible to compete in college sports. I never followed through with it because I wanted to focus on school. Thank goodness I didn't go through with it because I know for a fact that my life would have been completely different. I would've stayed that prideful runner who looked down her nose at people who called her sport "track." I would've remained the person who coveted her chiseled calves and tight stomach (still wish I could get back there, but then again, who would I be if I was?). The life I lived prior to college was much more selfish, but it was Christ who pulled me out of it and in July of 2002, I was baptized; my public confession of faith. I turned my life over to Christ.
My past trophies are buried with Christ and I hope they stay there. But I can see how I still hold on to some of that glory from 4 years ago.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Life is coming at me fast. But it's good. Lately I've felt a spiritual renewing in my heart; a desire to praise and sing in a way I haven't felt for a while. Who knows why we go through these seasons, but they certainly aren't always pleasant. For me, it feels like a miserable vacation from God. "Miserable" and "vacation" in addition to "God" should never be allowed in the same sentence, but in this case, I think it's okay.
There have been so many times over the last several months where I've felt so overwhelmed by my circumstances and though I've turned to God and prayed, it just didn't feel very enthusiastic, as hard as I tried. He knows my heart, I know this for a fact and I know he knows I want to pray with fervor. I guess I just don't get why it doesn't feel that way.
Anyway, the change has been nice and the David Crowder Band has aided me in this, though I don't have their CDs...thanks K-Love, the radio station I often deem "too cheesy" to listen to and opt for the more hip station Air1. But there's something about getting enlightened by praise music, you know? So if you see me stuck in traffic heading north on the 101 in my white Saturn and I look like I'm waving to no one, just assume I'm having my praise time. It definitely helps the drive and the day. :)
My internship is coming to a close very soon, which has made me begin my job hunt. Fortunately, in the business I'm wishing to go into, contacts are practically everything. I'm hoping that my experience will show in the work I've done and that someone will want me. The other big thing that I'm praying for, aside from God giving me the right job, is that this employer, if they want me, will be willing to wait for me until the very last week of May, considering my marriage, honeymoon and all. I know God's timing is perfect and He's got the right job and the right situation lined up for me, so I'm not going to worry. Right now, in this season, it seems it's all about waiting. So I'll wait.