Thursday, December 08, 2005

Hello all,
I know it's been a long time since I 've written. I've been having computer issues as of late, so i don't even know what people have written on my blog if anything at all.
Work at the Morning Star has been good. I will be taking over state education very soon, which means I get to talk to bureaucrats all the time and all that fun stuff. We'll see how that goes.
A big project has kept me tied up for a while. It should run in three days, but obviously I'm not at liberty to discuss any of it, especially not on here.
Life has been a bit crazy with Christmas party and preparations going haywire. I'm still waiting on hearing back about how the husky puppy is doing (see my husband's site for details), but all I can do is pray for him and pray that God would just lead us to the place where he wants us. If the dog is supposed to be ours, it will happen.
Sometimes I wonder why God gave me the heart and spirit he did. I'm an emotional mess at times and want to save everybody. I want to please people (which may not be of God) and I want to do it "right" the first time. Boy do those traits make it stressful working as a reporter! (maybe perhaps in most other jobs as well)

On another note, everyone should go see the movie "Just as Friends." It's the funniest movie I've seen in a long time and it lacks a lot of the usual crud you get in films. I think Obie enjoyed it too so don't write it off guys.

We've also started working out at the gym and I found out some sobering news yesterday.
1. 70-80% of weight loss hinges on a person's eating habits
2. It will take the equivalent of about 5-6 months for me to get back to where I want to be. Makes sense because it took that long to get where I am now.

So I have a long process ahead of me and hopefully by curbing some of my sweet tooth and increasing my cardio and weight training, I'll be back to where I need to be in no time.

See ya later...

Saturday, October 29, 2005

My "other half" is having fun (I presume) hunting this weekend and I'm left to fill my time for the first time in a while. It's almost like I'm single again--not worrying about another person and the other person's schedule. But I certainly don't miss being single. After all, what's better than marrying and getting to hang out with your best friend 24/7?
Last night, my dad, sister and friend Ambrosia and I went to the Jeremy Camp concert--que magnifique!
He was amazing! Sounds exactly the same in person AND he even sang a duet with his wife, Adrien, formerly of the Benjamin Gate. I wanted sooo badly to hear her sing on her own again like the time I saw her perform when she was engaged to Jeremy a couple years ago. Now she's 4 months pregnant with their second child. Crazy huh? I think they've been married two years--they jumped on the baby-wagon pretty quickly.
Which brings me to my next topic; all my friends have baby-fever (except me). No thanks, 2-5 years sounds good, although God definitely could make it happen if he wanted. To me, the gift of being newlyweds without kids gives us freedom to just go. Just pick up and go. The only lives truly impacted are ours; not our kids, etc.
Keep me in your prayers, I'm still working on getting the time off for Ireland this summer, and it's looking promising, but I still need to go get the "go ahead" from my editor and I'm not bringing it up for a little while longer.

Have you ever had God lay someone on your heart in a big way, even though you haven't thought or talked to the person in a long time? That's what He did to me on Wednesday for a friend named Braden. He's been troubled for a long time and basically wrote me off at 18 because he felt bad about himself around me because he said I had it together and he didn't. He didn't want to be held accountable for his actions, though all I offered him was love and friendship, no judgment.
So I was doing my Bible study and God brought him to mind and then that faded (cuz I didn't realize it was God putting it on my heart--just thought it was a random thought).
Then, we went to the Jeremy Camp concert last night and the friend with us mentioned that she had talked to him recently and that he's involved in ministry at our former church, but not doing well at all.
It finally dawned on me that God was talking to me the other day.
After the concert, i prayed all the way home about it and asked God what He wanted me to do. I felt Him tell me that I need to go talk to him (sunday) and tell him that God layed John chapter 14 on my heart.
Off the top of my head while I was driving, I had no clue what John Chapter 14 had in it. When I got home, i read the passage and saw a few things that might apply, but really, the message isn't for me.
So I'm planning on going on Sunday to the church. I have no idea if he'll be there or if I'm slightly crazy for wanting to seemingly get stepped on again, but that's what God told me to do, so that's what I'm going to do. We'll see what happens...

Saturday, October 15, 2005

This week was amazing and I am just blown away by God's loving response to situations I never thought could turn around so quickly. Let me explain...

Just after starting my newspaper job at the "Bright Star" (as opposed to the "Dark Star" across town), I met a gentleman who always seemed cheerful and kind and I truly had a wonderful time chatting with him. As I talked with him further, I found out that this fellow, we'll call him Tim, was a Christian.
Tim had attended a very popular church in the city, but said he felt "like a number" in the megachurch. He sat next to a different person every week and the furthest his relationship went with them was "hi, how are ya."
He quit going and started church shopping.
Then I happened along and invited him to mine. Not say mine's perfect, but I genuinely believe we have a knack for reaching out to new people.
I think he found the same and felt comfortable.
He immediately joined a new believers group and he now attends on Tuesdays.
Then he was baptized last Sunday.
Then, his unbelieving son, who saw him baptized, asked if he could go to Youth group on Wednesday.
He attended, came home with "The Message" Bible and the pair talked until midnight about Jesus.
Tim's son came to the Lord that night.

This all happened in the span of a month.


**Please keep Tim's family in prayer--his ex-wife says she's a believer, his daughter Abbey is not and is shy of public settings and wants nothing to do with Tim's beliefs. Pray that God will tug at her heart, her curiousity, anything and draw her in.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Two days until Obadiah's birthday! Can't believe he's turning 25...
Don't have much time to write as I have many things to do around the house and errands to run in preparation for the little shindig. Just wanted to let those interested in on something.
My mom works with an animal organization and has a friend that's down in Louisiana right now (i believe) and she's keeping a blog. It's actually very interesting. Here's the link:
Pray that God would have mercy on the Gulf Coast and that Rita would dissipate before reaching shore. Louisiana's already got it so bad with this levee situation.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Ah, day 2 of career-of-my-dreams has come and gone and man am I tired! It's been a whirlwind of orientation, then right into my first story and more on that today. I worked 9.5 hours today and didn't sleep well last night...I'm trying to adjust. I think I was feeling subconsciously anxious last night (on top of the fact that the cat that I praised just a few posts ago decided to meow at my door for half the night). So I was lazy this morning. And grumpy. And just plain tired. No run for me (first time I've done that during this training schedule, but no worries).
As for the training schedule, it's going really well for me, I think. Sunday was my long run of the week and I ran 6 miles. It was sub-9-minute mile pace, and I felt pretty good. The only thing that concerns me is a bit of pain I keep getting near my ankle. But I'm monitoring it and I'm sure it will be fine.

Met my competition today. The "Dark Star" newspaper reporter came to the same meeting. Not sure if I should feel badly for the fact that the competitive spirit (okay, albeit prideful spirit) in me wants to beat him at his game. It's time to do some scooping. Yikes, day 2 and I'm already like this??
Wish me luck. Dark Star must go down. (Still need clever name for my paper, but don't know what the antithesis in Star Wars example is....)

Finally got our honeymoon and mini-vacation pictures back. I can finally do some scrapbooking! Well, maybe not this weekend. We'll be going to the lake on Sunday (yes!!!) and I'll be jumpin' on my wakeboard :)
Alrighty, peace out for now

Wednesday, September 07, 2005


I have the best cat in the world.

Yes, that's what I'm starting my blog today with. My cat, Destiny, is chillin' at the top of her cat condo watching me do this and that on the computer and looks to have not a care in the world. I used to think that cats had "the life." Sit around all day, play all night and get spoiled with love by their owners. How posh!
But to some extent, I experienced a little of that time this past summer, hanging out at home all day, TV perpetually turned on, sitting on my duff.

It was boring.
And I felt lonely.

For about 8 hours a day, I was at home and my husband was at work. With the house already put together, there was nothing for me to do but sit. Or read. Or, what I resorted to most of the time; watch TV.
And then, when he came home, utter excitement and happiness and my window of time for love and affection.

Suddenly, I WAS the cat.

Now I'm the working stiff, getting home at 7 o'clock at night (this job finishes up this week and the next starts Monday), emotionally drained by other peoples' kids and worn down by the lack of breaks for myself. Such complete, antithetic situations.

So now when I think about my cat, and how sweet and utterly needy she seems to be when I walk in the door, I think of this summer and feel like I know a little bit about how she feels.

It's nice to see your favorite person walk through the door at the end of the day and know you've got a little bit of love and attention coming your way.

Anyway, my cat gets over the love and attention part pretty quickly, but she always seems to need to at least be in the same room with me. And as silly as it sounds, it feels really good to even have that little bit of presence at the end of the day.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Rising Son jp 9/2/05

No food for days on end.

Ravaged city without mend.

Feet and hearts on broken streets.

Streaked faces seated in plastic seats.

Around every corner, turn and bend.

No cool, no calm nor way to defend.

Across unknown parts.

Among unsaved hearts.

For the helpless.

To the senseless.

Among the darkness.

Among the starkness.

There is healing
And hoping
And loving
And living
Still to be done.
Until the rising
of the Son.

Ode to Kat j.p 8/28/05

Window to the heart of destruction-
I sigh.
Leaning back, asking God "why?"
Nature's force and fleet
Overtaking deadened streets.
Washing away lives and sin
Destruction, Her wake within.
Prayerful petitions to our Father
Yet the black cloud, hardcore
Beautiful terror realized
The number five card shows its rareity
Slows to four...then three-
Wipes out the deck and its haughty bunch
Too much, too late.
Oh sweet lady of unbridled fury
Take heart, take peace
Have mercy on the land of ease.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

One more thing I forgot. Last night my sister and I went to the Paul Wright concert out in Cave Creek. He's an AMAZING artist and I loved his voice even more in person. The craziest thing was that it was so low-key. Very small crowd.
Anyway, my sister knows one of the guys who works with the company who puts on a lot of the Christian concerts in the Valley and I had told her a million times what a big fan I am of Mr. Wright and she called her friend over while I was trying to negotiate with the souvenirs girl to let me use a check to buy my gear. She said "Oh, we need to check with Paul on that." I thought "Paul? Really" then, I said aloud "If we need to ask Paul, can I ask him?"
At that moment, my sister's friend walked up and behind him was none other than Mr. Paul Wright himself.

I was star struck.

I managed to fumble out "Hi, it's nice to meet you, Mr. Paul Wright" (I really said this to the 26-year-old as I shook his hand and had the goofiest smile on my face)

Then I told him what I told my sister on the way to the concert
"I told my sister that if I met you that I'd tell you how I listened to your song 'South Beach' while I was in Kona (HI) last Spring Break. It was amazing. I love your music....."blah blah blah.
Anyway, long story short, he signed my brand-new CD (It's great by the way, called Sunrise to Sunset") and was super sweet to the star-struck dork I was.

Then we all went to dinner at Boston's in Tempe afterward.

It would have been even cooler if he hadn't invited one of his 19-year-old girl friends to join us. But that's how it turned out and I was a little let down because I never got to talk to him about his music or his life, beliefs, etc. So my balloon was popped for the most part, but I still think he's really nice and has one of the most amazing voices I've ever heard. If you're looking for a chill artist with a great voice and music that's about life and God, he's the one to try out.
He'll be back at the end of September playing at Red Mountain Community Church. I'll keep you posted, but my husband's birthday is around that time, so we'll see if I can go.

Great night last night (and I understand the boys had a fun time playing poker--they need to do that more) :)
luv y'all

Hey everyone!
Kudos to everyone who showed up Saturday morning and went on the run. Even if you didn't run the entire time, it was a major step and I'm so very proud of you! My big "saying" is that the hardest step is the first one out the door and you accomplished that. Stay motivated and keep it up. You'll get there (I remind myself of the same thing every day!)
Secondly, I forgot to mention my big news the other day!

I got my first real job!

Starting Sept. 12, you are looking at the new education reporter for the East Valley Tribune!
Whoohoo! Long time coming!

Thanks to everyone for their prayers and encouragement during this time. I definitely needed it and felt it. The hiring freeze was supposed to continue into October, but someone quit, leaving an "in" for me. :)
Take care and keep running!

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Day 4 of nanny job:
MUCH better today. Played with the kids, fed them and even had a few hours of doing all of that without anyone else around. I prayed for increased energy and strength and believe God has given it to me. Still have a long week ahead of me though. Keep me in your prayers.

Sunday, August 21, 2005

I almost forgot! I feel the need to brag about my wonderful husband!
After my second day at the nannying job, my sweet husband decided to surprise me for dinner. When I walked in, an Audrey Hepburn (my favorite actress) flick was on TV, Frank Sinatra was playing over the stereo (love Old Blue Eyes!) and he was busy in the kitchen cooking up baked spaghetti. He even bought me flowers.
So that's my little bit of bragging. For all you husbands out there, take a hint from my thoughtful hubby and do something special for your other half. It'll make her day when she's feeling especially worn out. It did for me :) (Love you baby!)

Random thoughts of the day....

We had the missions meeting today and I'm stoked about the Northern Ireland trip. I want to go soooo badly, but my main concern is this: who is going to let their new employee take three weeks off of work? It's an awfully long time and my heart desires to be there and experience everything and really find out if this is what God wants for us in the future. Strangely enough, I'm not worried about funding it, I know that God can provide that, so why am I so doubtful about the time off? ....Pray for me and the job situation and even more that I can go....

Starbucks Mocha Light Frapp's are the best, hands down. Put me to the test--try it. A Grande only has 140 calories and a couple of grams of fat (the only negative is all the sugar, but it's my nice treat every once in a while)

I'll go back to the nannying job tomorrow and will begin my first full week there. On top of that, the last week of the month is the busiest for the parents (they do loan signing) so I'll be working longer hours. Pray for me that God will give me the strength and energy to keep it up.

Today was the last day marking the end of the first full week of half-marathon training. We had to run 3 miles and I actually did very well. My biggest problem is keeping myself back because the pacing is supposed to be about two minutes slower than you plan to race. That's not quite what I'm doing, but we'll see. I've aimed for 9-minute mile pace for the last three years and have failed the last two mostly because I went out too fast and bonked at about the half-way point. If I can run between 8:30-9-minute mile pace, I should meet and/or break 2 hours, which is my biggest goal. I really want to do well this year and stick to a training schedule. Hopefully if it all works out, it'll give me the courage to train for a full marathon one of these days. (And Hannah and I will have to enter a triathlon together--I guess I should ask for a bicycle for Christmas!)

This weekend has been good for me because it's been a good mix of relaxing and errand-running. I'm hoping I'll be refreshed and ready to go tomorrow.

I might even hike Camelback Mountain before work....

Friday, August 19, 2005

Day three of the new nanny job:

I got up a little late this morning and checked my e-mail before heading off to the central Phoenix home where I was to watch a set of 1-year-old twins and their 2 1/2-year-old brother. I haven't been there completely alone, save for a few hours here, and there and I have to confess it's strange to have half the parental unit present at all times. Not that I do anything differently, it just feels as if someone is constantly peering over your shoulder or listening in on a private conversation you're having. On top of that, you're never able to really form that bond with the kids because mom's always around somewhere. Regardless, the job is hard, the hours are long and I'm exhausted when I get home, usually accompanied by a dull headache.

Glad I'm not a parent yet.

Yes, it'll be great when we do have kids but sheesh! It's a lot of flippin' work with three toddlers running around. The brother is always kicking or grabbing or hitting his little sisters if they make the slightest move toward his toys or do something he doesn't like, or walks too close to him...fill in the blank from here. Anything. So you always have to watch him if his sisters are nearby. Both girls have bowel movement problems---i.e. their excrement comes out hard as a rock and they scream like you wouldn't believe while they try to push it out. And there's NOTHING you can do except comfort them and try to get them to drink some liquids. Fun times.
When they're happy, it's great. Their smiles and giggles are uplifting even when you're drained and it's so far beyond your comprehension of wonderful when they hug you or smile and walk to you with outstretched arms.

I was talking to my husband yesterday about all the work it is to take care of the twins, mostly that you're doing everything for them all the time. They're babies. But the biggest thing God brought to mind, while I was feeding the little ones green baby food (what manufacturers sell as "peas"), that it would feel horrible to be described as a "baby" in your Christian walk after years of following. Think about it. Your leaders are sitting in front of you, waiting for you to open your mouth while you gaze disconnectedly behind them and pretend to enjoy the food being shoved in your mouth one bite at a time.
I remember when I was a teen back in my high school youth group. I was pretty typical in that I wanted to be a good person and do everything right, I wanted to go to church every Sunday (mostly to see my friends) and I wanted to go to the youth conventions and camps to see my friends who lived further away (oh yeah, and meet boys). My youth pastors at the church tried so hard to get us involved in the group, so that we wouldn't just walk away when it came time to decide between school friends and functions and church events. Being that I wanted to be a good person and have a good crowd of friends, I bit. I went to the functions and had the basic beliefs that Christ died on the cross for me to forgive me of my sins so I wouldn't rot eternally in hell (okay, a little too descriptive, but it was how I felt). I knew that in my Christian circle that I shouldn't do drugs, have sex or cuss people out.
But that was about as deep as it went for me.
Until I read the Bible.

One Sunday during "big church" at my very small church, we had even lower attendence than usual so my pastor decided to round us up and sit in the church seats and chat about the feeding of the five thousand. I had heard the stories millions of times before, since I was little and the Sunday school teacher would have us color Jesus and the little boy and the loaf of bread and few fish he had.
But this day was different. I found out that the story appeared in more than one book of the Bible. And I had no clue.
Suddenly at 17-years-old I realized that I knew nothing about this book that I claimed to base my life after. If someone had asked me any trivia question related to the Bible, odds are good that unless the question were along the lines of "What did God create Eve out of?" I would have failed. (slightly overstated, but very close to the truth)
So I began reading the Bible and realizing that many of the stories that it held were actually very interesting. And entertaining. And enlightening.
When I began preparing for the International Youth Convention to be held in Florida the summer of my senior year of high school, I decided to stick to my devotions, really listen to the speakers and, for once, not focus on the social aspect.
It worked.
I began to grow and the baby formula turned into pureed peas. Then bread, and so on.

I can't say that I'm a spiritual giant or anything or even that I could pass a trivia game on Bible stories with ease, but I know for a fact now that the Bible is my truth, it is my food and I'm not a baby anymore.
And hopefully, I'm more than a teenager. But it's always going to be something I need to focus on, pay attention to and work at more. My Savior is waiting for me to respond to His Word, so that I can grow even more each day.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

I can remember the time I denied your name,
Played it off like I was one of the gang
Tried to fit any way that I could,
Even though they knew where I stood.

I turned my back
And walked away.
Hesitation never spoke up
Nor did he say,
Wait a minute-
Try again.
What about your lover?
What about your friend?

Worth the wait
Or just biding your time?
Fit in the middle,
Never one of a kind.
Black identity
Living inside of me.
Pushing back the healing
The cross of my shame,
Trying to figure out the rules
In this selfish game.

Mistake-less, seeking perfection
To fit the mold desired of me
Too much to face when I saw You,
Seemed easier to turn against the truth.
Too many areas to keep in check
No time to make this area perfect.

When finally I fell on my knees,
Crying in dependency,
Still I tried to do it on my own
Be perfect like You had shown.
But my raggamuffin tendencies
Crept back inside of me
The black identity
Needed more than my own vanity.

I am selfish.
I hate to share.
I'm competitive beyond repair.
My motives aren't always pure
And one thing's definitely for sure,
I need Jesus to get anywhere close
To who He wants me to be.

Job news update.
Found out that V.S. wants to hire me. Orientation is on the 19th. I also found out that evening that there's an option to nanny for a family of three toddlers for a very good wage.
So here's how it breaks down; the good; the bad; the ugly.

If I take V.S.....
*Will make $7/hr and not guaranteed many hours ( 8-30 hrs max)
*Have to get people to sign up for credit cards and THAT will determine how many hours I get
*Will have to work nights and weekends mostly
*Will allow me to continue to freelance for the newspaper and help my mother with her sick dog
*Wicked discount on cute pj's (and such)
*Job at newspaper could come up sooner and it would be easy to quit and move on to said job.

If I take nannying....
*Can't freelance for newspaper (no time, would work about 45-50 hours per week)
*Would chase toddlers all day
*Long drive (?) (I'm stretching....)
*Awesome pay
*Lots of hours
*Free weekends and nights
*Temporary, but could continue longer if necessary
*More flexibility (could call in if necessary)

Now I'm waiting on said newspaper to get back to me and give me a firm answer on the two month waiting period. My contact told me that the paper was going on a hiring freeze for two months, but then the Managing Editor (the big boss ahead of her boss) told her that he would like to hire me ASAP (I met him during my stint at the paper and he loved the front page article I produced). So now my contact needs to talk to her boss to see if it's for sure that it will be two months and no sooner.
At this point, I'm leaning toward the nannying job because it seems like an incredible blessing for my husband and I financially.
For the most part, taking the job at V.S. doesn't seem to make much sense, especially since there are no guarantees. But do I feel that way because I'd make more money at the other job? Am I lacking faith or going with faith on this? If I take the nanny job, there's always a possibility that the job could come up during the two months and I can't break my commitment.

Lord, sometimes you speak in whispers and signs. Other times you seem to flash neon signs and give firm answers. Lord, please give me confirmation on my decisions and help me to choose the one that You have designed for me. I desire to depend on you and to do your will God. Thank you for the blessing of having two offers! Thank you for answering my prayers for some sort of job. Lord, you know my career is in your hands. Guide me and lead me to where you want me, wherever it is that I will do the best work for you in this time. Thank you Lord for your grace. I'm so undeserving of the things you continue to pour out in spite of my impatience. I am fearfully and wonderfully made by your hands. Mold me into the woman of God you desire for me to be and become.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Since I woke up this morning, I've been dressed in my running clothes, intending on doing my 40 minutes of cardio for the day as required by our training schedule. It's now 11 a.m. and I'm still in my running clothes and it's raining outside.

Ever have those moments when you're torn between praising God and utter disappointment with the situations He's created?

That would be me at the moment. Part of me is thrilled it's raining (it's Arizona afterall and the monsoon is here) and the other part of me is the kid that's hyper and stuck inside just wanting to play.
That's been getting to me lately.
Yesterday I was talking with H.W. at lunch and telling her I wanted to jump on a trampoline.

Doesn't that sound like fun?
(Anyone have one that I could intrude upon?)

As I'm getting older and not babysitting as much, I'm realizing that playtime is non-existant at the moment. I mean, yah I can go running, rollerblading or hiking, but actually playing things like "tag" and board games. They're just about gone until we have our own kids (which will not be for a while if we have it our way!)

Regardless, I think there's just that passionate, child-like side of me that just wants to run around and be dorky and praise God for a healthy body and energy.

It's like the new Chris Tomlin song I've heard on K-Love lately "I want to dance like no one's around," etc. That song is my anthem.

And it's raining. :)
Guess I'll go read....

Thursday, August 04, 2005

More news on the job front. I found out that the newspaper I've been working with won't be hiring for at least 60 days. They're in a hiring freeze now, just like the other paper in town. So basically it looks like I'll have to stick with a part-time job somewhere and freelancing on the side so they don't forget about me.

But there's always a reason.

I'm still praying like crazy for my parent's German Shepard dog, Maverick. He seems like he's feeling better by the day, though my mom is certain (by what doctors and Internet sites have said) that the Valley Fever is really going to kick in hardcore today because he should be off of the steroids he was on earlier this week. They said his appetite should diminish as well as his energy, etc. He's actually seemed the spunkiest today and he's also had an excellent appetite. I firmly believe that God loves all creatures on this earth and if I can pray for healing in a brother or sister in Christ and see it happen, this dog can be healed too.

If you read this between today (Thurs. Aug. 4) and tomorrow late morning (Fri, Aug 5) say a prayer for Obadiah. He had to fly into Oakland, Calif. today and he'll be renting a truck and driving a bunch of granite slabs back to Arizona for the company he's been doing work for. He'll be driving through the night (10-12 hours) by himself, so it's a little nerve-racking for me at least. Pray for his energy and that he would listen to the little voice when it tells him to pull over and rest or whatever. Pray for safety for him.

In other news, training for the half marathon is going well. I'm basically kicking my running back into gear and trying to run at least every other day. With the weather getting nicer, it's much easier to get out and run, even in the later morning hours. We'll be starting our official training for the 13.1 mile race on August 15, the day after we return from a wedding I'm in. We have a great schedule and I'm trying to get a head start on it so I won't die the first week. It's so easy to just be lazy and let go--but I tell you what, my body's already feeling so much better and more energized just by getting back into a normal running schedule. This year was the first year I didn't keep a normal running schedule in 10 years, basically since I started racing when I was 12. I guess graduating from college, working several jobs and planning a wedding can do that to you though, huh?

But it's all about not giving up.
And I'm not.
Hope you are taking care of your body and giving it the proper exercise and nutrients it needs--we've only got one earthly body and one life to live. Keep it healthy!

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Okay, that was sort of a depressing way to start a post!.....

(I'm trying.)

Still no job. You know, this whole depending on God thing, especially for the finances, is really hard. I mean, it really sucks!

That thought was a bit blatant, but I guess it's how I'm feeling. It's just this big waiting game for everything. After several weeks of waiting on a local paper to offer me a job, they've said I need to wait longer while they get the necessary funds to hire me. So they said "next week, we'll have something by next week."

Another week rolls by and no job.

This week, I applied for several other part-time jobs, but deep down my hope is that the newspaper job will come through before I have to accept (cuz I don't want to back out of the job immediately after I get it, assuming I get one.)

So I applied at Victoria's Secret. And I got a call. I interviewed yesterday.

And now I'm waiting.

:Sigh: How frustrating!
On the other hand, at the moment I'm helping my family take care of their sick dog that has Valley Fever, which is much more severe in animals. He's doing a little better, but it's nice to have the time to offer a hand. I never felt like the time was ever there in college to spend hours over here taking care of their animals. But now I do.

We signed up for the half marathon the other day. "We" being myself AND Obadiah, pretty shocking as he more or less has refused in the past to even consider running the 13.2 mile race. Now we have a training schedule and several others from church have signed up. It's pretty exciting and I'm stoked to start training, especially with the weather improving. Yesterday it was overcast nearly the whole day and "only" reached 104 degrees. I ran in the morning and in the evening. Oh to perpetually have that kind of motivation!

I'll be in my best friend's wedding in two weeks wearing a bubble gum-pink dress. Each of her 8 bridesmaids are wearing different colors to represent the variety of crayons. I'm the pink crayon. (Long story).

So we'll be venturing down to Tucson, a city I truly do miss, and we'll be able to grab lunch at my favorite sandwich shop and cruise around a city I know almost as well as my own hometown.

Better get going, please keep Obadiah and I your prayers regarding the job situation.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

To be wed...and jobless---j.p. 6/28/05

Dishes and groceries,
Shopping and more,
Scrubbing and cleaning,
Mopping tiled floors.
Catching Katie Couric
On the morning show,
Taking a run by the pond
(Sometimes feelin' slow).
A story here, a story there
But otherwise, not much to do.
Trying to enjoy it
Before we hit month two.
Vacuuming and laundry
Straightening up the bed,
I'm starting to understand
A little about being wed.

Me, the little housewife
(Though unvoluntarily).
Stuck inside a home
While the temp passes 103.
Wishing for something steady
Maybe time to scrapbook,
But waiting on the pictures
That over a month ago we took. (dang the digital age!)

Lord help me to understand
Why this is the position You want me in,
Help me to be patient
And not wonder where You've been.

A college degree and a little talent
Is apparently not enough,
When it comes to waiting on the position
Is it all about luck?
Or is there a meaning
To all of this waiting?
To all of this frustration
And commiserating?

*Pray for me y'all---I want a good job!--soon!

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Heidi-ho everyone!
T-minus 11 days til our wedding day. T-minus 9 days until graduation day. T-minus 15 days until we leave for our honeymoon. Can you believe it?
And most importantly...t-minus 6 days until finals and work are over for me! Slightly scary on the work side of things, but it'll be great to be done with finals.
Random things I thought or saw today (by 9 a.m.)

I saw a transvestite walking down Apache Blvd wearing a sequined, silver top. I think he/she was tweaked out, but the person was also playing with a long, ribbon-like thing and twirling it around. Wonder what he/she was thinking...

I saw the pretty flower garden near Hayden Library on ASU's main campus today. It made me think about the old ladies who come and prune it every week. I realized it's going to be one of my last times seeing it on a regular basis.

My Alfred Hitchcock class is over.

It's my last day for my rock climbing class---I'm going to have some friends take pictures of me climbing the upside-down part of a climb I'm trying to master (hope I look buff! haha)

I have to work on my precision journalism project that's due at 7:40 a.m. Thursday morning (when will I do this? No idea)

Friday, April 29, 2005

Two weeks from tomorrow I will be Mrs. "P." How nuts is that? whoops, I don't mean that the idea is crazy, just the fact that it's coming up so soon. It's amazing to me that it's right around the corner and it doesn't feel like it. I guess that happens when you prepare for so long for something that never seems like it's ever going to happen. Graduation is less than two weeks away and I have finals starting on Thursday. My last day of work for both jobs is Thursday as well. I'll be leaving my internship along with the 2 boys I've watch grow up for the past four years. That'll be crazy too.
I am looking forward to having a vacation though. All this planning and preparing has tuckered me out and work and everything else has only added to it. But you know what? God has really kept me safe and, for the most part, healthy through everything and I am so grateful for that. I've been able to rest this semester even though every waking minute seems to be filled. He's provided time to spend with Obadiah, time to get my schoolwork done, time to pack up my room and other household items and time to get other misc. things out of the way. Still a list of little things to do, but we're almost there, thankfully. Now if I can only get everyone organized to decorate the reception site facilities on the big day.....

Saturday, April 16, 2005

The place where I grew up is empty now. I walked into my childhood room and looked around. It had been filled with workout equipment after I left, but the pink valance over the window was still there and the window sill was still the same tea rose pink as when I loved it. There used to be hearts and cats along the border of my room, but they were painted over when I left. The closet is bare now and I couldn't help but step inside one last time. I used to sit and read inside my closet. It was my special spot, sort of like I was camping out with my flashlight in my dark closet among old clothes hangin at the back of it. The practice was abandoned as soon as I was in junior high school and outgrew the space. Now the top of my head is about the height of the top shelve of the closet. Amazing what time can do.
I sat outside on the grass and looked up at the stars one last time from my childhood home. I couldn't smell the cows the way I used to be able to. The dairies have long since moved further south.
It was a night I'll never forget and a place that will always hold fond memories. But I'll never go back there and the home where my parents are now, will never feel like home for me. I'll be going to "my parents' house." Wow. So much change and life in store for me right around the corner.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

With wedding preparations also comes moving preparations. It's a time when I get to discover all of the things I stuck in boxes and forgot about. Such is the case when my parents handed me two of my boxes that were in their attic. I haven't opened one of the boxes, but it's huge. The other one I got from them on Sunday and opened it that evening. It was filled with plaques and trophies. I remember putting those things away about 4 years ago when I graduated high school. It was a much different time in my life and my view of life and what it was about was much different as well. I had been a successful cross country and track runner and fairly athletic through my teenage years so the plaques and trophies were my prized possessions. The box had "IMPORTANT: DO NOT THROW OUT OR SELL" scribbled in magic marker across the top. First of all, who would have wanted to buy someone else's plaque or trophy? It just shows how important they were to me.
As I sifted through the plaques and trophies, I was flooded with memories of cross country races and the way I led my team. I remembered being honored as a Student of the Month of my whole high school and how my cross country coach, also math teacher, encouraged me through it all. I stared at a softball with all of my stats from my 7th grade team and the trophy we won as a team in 8th grade when we finished first after a tough game.
But they don't matter now. They're only past memories and clutter, but I still struggled to throw them away. I put three of my sports plaques away and threw out the rest of the clunky trophies. What will I ever do with them?
It reminds me of the sermon Pastor Mark gave this past Sunday. He talked about the things we put to death and buried when we began following Christ and how often we dig those things back up and want to play with them. The things that used to be so important to us have been buried with Christ. I would hope that the pride that I had, the obnoxious, sometimes over-the-top competitiveness I had, have been buried and remain there, but as I looked at the trophies, I knew that at least some of the pride was still there. I was good. Really good.
I found the NCAA sports clearance sheet in my closet the other day; proof that I was eligible to compete in college sports. I never followed through with it because I wanted to focus on school. Thank goodness I didn't go through with it because I know for a fact that my life would have been completely different. I would've stayed that prideful runner who looked down her nose at people who called her sport "track." I would've remained the person who coveted her chiseled calves and tight stomach (still wish I could get back there, but then again, who would I be if I was?). The life I lived prior to college was much more selfish, but it was Christ who pulled me out of it and in July of 2002, I was baptized; my public confession of faith. I turned my life over to Christ.
My past trophies are buried with Christ and I hope they stay there. But I can see how I still hold on to some of that glory from 4 years ago.

Monday, April 04, 2005

Life is coming at me fast. But it's good. Lately I've felt a spiritual renewing in my heart; a desire to praise and sing in a way I haven't felt for a while. Who knows why we go through these seasons, but they certainly aren't always pleasant. For me, it feels like a miserable vacation from God. "Miserable" and "vacation" in addition to "God" should never be allowed in the same sentence, but in this case, I think it's okay.
There have been so many times over the last several months where I've felt so overwhelmed by my circumstances and though I've turned to God and prayed, it just didn't feel very enthusiastic, as hard as I tried. He knows my heart, I know this for a fact and I know he knows I want to pray with fervor. I guess I just don't get why it doesn't feel that way.
Anyway, the change has been nice and the David Crowder Band has aided me in this, though I don't have their CDs...thanks K-Love, the radio station I often deem "too cheesy" to listen to and opt for the more hip station Air1. But there's something about getting enlightened by praise music, you know? So if you see me stuck in traffic heading north on the 101 in my white Saturn and I look like I'm waving to no one, just assume I'm having my praise time. It definitely helps the drive and the day. :)
My internship is coming to a close very soon, which has made me begin my job hunt. Fortunately, in the business I'm wishing to go into, contacts are practically everything. I'm hoping that my experience will show in the work I've done and that someone will want me. The other big thing that I'm praying for, aside from God giving me the right job, is that this employer, if they want me, will be willing to wait for me until the very last week of May, considering my marriage, honeymoon and all. I know God's timing is perfect and He's got the right job and the right situation lined up for me, so I'm not going to worry. Right now, in this season, it seems it's all about waiting. So I'll wait.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Drama, drama, drama. My goodness. I feel like I'm constantly muttering that to myself. And man has today been FILLED with it.
While I was gone, my reorder of wedding invitations finally came in. So we dove into them last night and started addressing them, only to discover that the ink was black instead of silver. Realizing we have basically no time left to ship them back to the company and get replacements, I decided to settle and just fold away last night. Every time I folded the invitations, my heart sank. Black ink on beautiful champagne-colored paper. What a pity. Everything else had silver writing EXCEPT for our beautiful invitations. I decided to just call the company in the morning and see if anything could be done.
I called them this morning and PRAISE GOD, they're going to reprint the invitations today and send them overnight to us! They should be here tomorrow. Phew.
Then my day continued with two stories breaking over my head, my midterm internship review from my editor and a long day before school. (did that sentence make sense?) It was a crazy day and it's not over yet. Fortunately the stressful part is over and now I can go sit through my Alfred Hitchcock movie class. I always come out of there in a better mood, so I'm hoping that happens (not that my mood is terrible right now).
I was gone in Ensenada, MX over the Spring Break and though it was a lot of work and I got very little sleep, it was a great trip. It was wonderful to get to know some of the teens better and just interact with them and relax with them. It was also nice to spend time with the little ones and put gigantic smiles on their faces and illicit gut-giggles. Nothing better.
I'm about to say something slightly controversial, however. I loved Door of Faith (the orphanage), it was beautiful, however, I was slightly bummed at what great shape it was in and the amount of volunteers it received. That sounds odd, but let me explain.
I have experienced going into a Mexican orphanage before, but the other one was what you would expect an orphanage to be as opposed to what Door of Faith was. It was grey and cinderblock and the children were dirty and starved for attention. Door of Faith received tons of volunteers and receives lots of money from churches like mine and also Southern California churches which I'm sure are pretty well off. What's disappointing to me is I think of the orphanages that aren't Vineyard-oriented or affiliated and the probably hundreds that don't receive even half of the support as this orphanage and I wonder why we aren't serving there? Is it because it's convenient and we're used to this orphanage and we know the kids will like it? I don' t know, but I couldn't help but wonder if maybe the teens would have gotten more out of going to an orphanage that wasn't so well off. The kids at Door of Faith in essence have a family, as DJ has said. I know he's trying to train up other orphanages, which is great, but I don't know. I just see the faces of the kids I left behind two years ago at that cinderblock orphanage in Hermosillo and can't help but think "dang, these kids got the short end of the stick." So that's my feeling on the Door of Faith thing. It was a good experience though.
Gotta go to see Alfred. Hasta luego mis amigos!

Friday, March 11, 2005

Ode to the Sick Day

Sitting in my cubicle,
Feeling sorry for myself,
Watching the clock tick,
Wishing I were somewhere else.
At home my bed beckons me,
Covers still turned out,
And I slump tiredly in my chair,
Trying not to pout.

It's Friday and I'm sick,
Wishing to childhood I could return,
So the nurse could call my parents
And tell them my forehead burns.
My nose is runny,
My body achy,
I really shouldn't be here,
But I've been paid my wage,
And my boss looms near.
Gone are the glory days,
When a sniffle brought you home.
And an ache in your belly merited a nap,
On nice, cushy foam.
So here I am stuck,
Working diligently away,
Thinking back to yesteryear,
When there was such thing as a 'sick day.'

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

So wedding planning is going pretty well. I feel like it's just a lot of little things to manage now and every free moment I have, I've found myself calling or e-mailing and then getting to my homework or calling an interviewee to prep for a story I'm working on. More than anything else, I'm realizing I have to lean more on God in this time because, man, I suck. The busier I get, the more I realize that I can't handle what I think I can by myself. And that's where the wedding planning enters the equation.
I'm having to hand over several large projects to special people in my life, having to depend on them to get the details done in the way I would like them and in the time I would like them. I've had to have a lot of grace with one in particular, but prayer and just talking to God about these things has really made me a lot more giving and understanding and alleviated a lot of pressure off of the whole situation. I'd like to say that I'm a calmer person, that I don't worry anymore, but it's just not true. I've been watching several special people in my life worry on a constant basis and I see so much of myself in them, yet it's not something I want to continue doing.
The wedding planning time seems more than anything to be just sharpening me and making me see qualities in myself that are ugly at times and beautiful at others. I see the selfish part of me, the controlling, perfectionist part of me and then in other times I see the giving, patient, compassionate side of me that says that things don't have to be perfect, that no one will ever be completely satisfied with everything I do or with the decisions I make.
I know that God has a reason for making me feel so strongly about having my family at the "big event" and I see how he's doing that. I may not always pass with flying colors, but I can see Him working in me as I desire to honor him and the special people in my life in appropriate ways.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Free. jg-2/7/05
The equation doesn't add up,
The means to the ends,
Why I'm standing here,
Why he still defends.
All along he's been with me,
He's seen me through those times,
The times when I ran my own race,
The times I thought I'd won.
The false celebration and emptiness,
Seemed to leave me far behind,
And when I thought my maturity had saved me,
Only loneliness did I find.
He long chose me before I truly chose him,
The unknown conscience, the "little voice,"
And when I grew tired of hearing it,
I'd ignore it at my choice.
Past times seem so far away now,
Yet one step and they seem anew,
The battle rages on within me
To overcome what it can't undo.
I try to do it myself,
Twisting and pushing away,
But still the yeast rises,
Worse still when I pray.
The justifications, manipulations
They wear at the heart
Until my fighting is fleeting,
And it's broken all apart.
My crumbling body lays broken
Balled up on the ground,
Awaiting the gentle meekness
Of he that surrounds.
He chose me from among the crowd
And felt my softest touch,
The one he felt certain
The one he loved "that" much.
He took my blackness,
He took my pain,
He took my fighting and disdain.
He took my heartache,
He took my pride,
He revived that "me" deep inside.
Life's not perfect nor will it ever be
Because it's waiting to be set free.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Exactly one week until my first day of internship work at the Republic. More than anything I want this to go well and impress the socks off of someone over there so I can (maybe) get a job after college. I know it's a long shot, but I guess I just want to end up doing something I enjoy, you know? The Tribune is an option as well, but we'll see what happens.
On Sunday I ran the 1/2 marathon for the second year in a row and while my time wasn't as good (3 minutes slower) as last year, I'm just glad I did it. Hopefully I won't be as lazy next year and will train better.
School starts up on Tuesday, the 18th. I'll have had exactly one whole month off from school and regular part-time work. Part of me has really enjoyed this time off and I know I'll never get it again, and the other part of me is just so ready to get back into a routine. I'll be taking rock climbing, a theater class devoted to the works of Alfred Hitchcock, an advanced Spanish grammar class and a journalism class plus my internship job and my other part-time job. So I'll be a little busy doing that and planning the wedding, but I'm sure things will be fine.
One last note, keep my sister in your prayers. We just found out yesterday that one of her friends from work committed suicide and wasn't a believer. I think she's doing alright, but keep her in your prayers and keep his family in your prayers as well--I don't believe they're believers either.
That's about it for me. :)

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

I'm not sure if anyone reads my blog anymore, but in case you do, you'd know I applied for the Pulliam Fellowship a while back. Well, I found out I didn't get it, which is fine because I know there's a reason for it--maybe a real job with benefits? We'll see.
Aside from that, I have to work on finishing my final FINAL draft of my In Depth story by Friday I guess. Fabulous, huh? Just when I thought that nightmare was over---(by the way, she gave me an "A" in the class). Oh well, almost done.
Hope y'all had a great Christmas. I'm enjoying my break--two more weeks of it, actually--and trying to get more wedding stuff done. We finally did some registering at two places: Bed Bath and Beyond and Robinsons-May, which is equivalent to other stores like Foley's I guess. I'm getting more excited as each day draws us closer to "the big one," but am constantly reminded (by my sort-of wedding planner called "Mom") that I'm way behind and slacking, I guess. But I'm trying and that's all that matters. There's a thing I've learned in journalism that applies across the board---people NEVER call you back when you need them to. So, that said, I have to remain positive and keep trusting that God's going to take care of it. I'll keep working, but trusting, not stressing, as I sometimes have a tendency to do.
With that said, whew, many things to do, but I'm going to go read now--books I want to read, not have to read.

Never giving up j.g 1/5/04

Torrential. Teeming.
I walk in its midst.
Pounding. Relentless.
I run with everything.
I can feel it overwhelming
Feel it rising up.
But I can't keep it from engulfing
From ensuing in each step.

Insecurity; my frailty
Charges after my forward steps
Repressing. Containing.
Attacking my weakness.
Weary, though I try
To rage against this machine of mine
My good-fortune-time is up
No more hubris amid the muck.
Still not there, no longer can I be
Nor fit the shape molded for me.
I turn to my hope, away from my humanity
Stirring something deep inside of me
My eyes blinded, my soul freed,
How I wish this would last, an infinite reprieve.
But my tightened fist around my friend called hope
Slips slightly with each and every reproach.
I'm here, caught up in an inner shell
Yearning for a reprieve from this nit-picky hell.
Never my way, no, just not good enough
Go on and tire the senses
Just never giving up.