I can remember the time I denied your name,
Played it off like I was one of the gang
Tried to fit any way that I could,
Even though they knew where I stood.

I turned my back
And walked away.
Hesitation never spoke up
Nor did he say,
Wait a minute-
Try again.
What about your lover?
What about your friend?

Worth the wait
Or just biding your time?
Fit in the middle,
Never one of a kind.
Black identity
Living inside of me.
Pushing back the healing
The cross of my shame,
Trying to figure out the rules
In this selfish game.

Mistake-less, seeking perfection
To fit the mold desired of me
Too much to face when I saw You,
Seemed easier to turn against the truth.
Too many areas to keep in check
No time to make this area perfect.

When finally I fell on my knees,
Crying in dependency,
Still I tried to do it on my own
Be perfect like You had shown.
But my raggamuffin tendencies
Crept back inside of me
The black identity
Needed more than my own vanity.

I am selfish.
I hate to share.
I'm competitive beyond repair.
My motives aren't always pure
And one thing's definitely for sure,
I need Jesus to get anywhere close
To who He wants me to be.