Hello all!
I'm recovering from a cold right now, isn't that fun? Everyone's getting sick. In fact, I haven't seen Obadiah since Sunday for that very reason and there's no telling if I'll even see him tonight. Poor thing, his birthday (the big 24) is tomorrow and he'll be sick for it. No fun. Anyway, my immune system's probably dragging, so I'm almost positive if I spent time with him, I'd probably catch the miserable cold he's got. So this week hasn't been the most fun because, well, you know, I like seeing him during the week and 5 minute conversations every day just doesn't seem to cut it sometimes. But I'm surviving; we're surviving...
Last night I had an interesting experience. I've made a new friend and her name is Chelsea. She works with me at the school magazine and she specializes in the underground music scene. Anyway, she knows practically all the bands that come through Phoenix and last night she called me up to see if I wanted to go with her to see a band she'd just written about. I was like "okay, sure. Something to do other than homework(which I've been holed up in my house doing every night before going to bed early to kick this sickness..)" So I met up with her and we went to the Marquee Theatre in Tempe.
Well, we walk up and we get our free tickets and our backstage pass and we have to stick the sticker on. However, on the black sticker is a picture of President Bush with a giant red "X" through his face. That's when I realize that I'm about to enter the Rock Against Bush Tour concert. Yikes. Talk about feeling like a minority! But hey, it's stupid to just shun anyone who doesn't believe the same things I do, so I shrugged it off and went inside with her.
It wasn't too political until the headliner Anti-Flag came on and started spewing obscenities about the president. Hmm...what was that song they wrote called...? Oh yah, "die for your government" and another was "F*** police brutality," etc. Then of course you got the whole "he lied to us about WMD," and I think one of the lyrics to a song about him was "turncoat, liar..." you get the drift.
Just looking out over the crowd of kids flashing the "bird" at the sound of our president's name and the anger and hostility in their voices and eyes, man, it was crazy.
So I kept my little conservative mouth shut and just soaked it in. No use picking a fight with a punk rocker in tight pants and a mohawk...
That was my "exciting" night last night. I'm sure you're all jealous. Nonetheless, it was an experience albeit slightly unnerving.
Well, better get going and take care of some of my chores for the day.
Hasta, gente!

A mi me disgusta mi computadora!!!
Estoy frustrada con tecnología.
Siempre, cuando lo necesito trabajar,
No lo trabaja.
En este momento, mi cabeza,
Cuando lo necesito trabajar,
No lo trabaja :)
Tengo "senioritis,"
Soy una floja
Quiero reportar sobre muchas cosas,
Quiero leer algunos libros
Pero no quiero tomar mis examenes
Y no quiero levantar muy temprano por mis clases.
Quiero aprender sin el trabajo.
Quisiera viajar cerca del mundo,
Vea los lugares de los ancianos
Y grita "mira! El mundo fantastico!"
Pero no.
Estoy aquí con mi computadora.
Necesito escribir un ensayo sobre un cuento.
Tengo que entregarlo mañana.
No quiero hacerlo.
Ahh..Tecnología...

Estoy viviendo la vida loca.
Escriba! Escriba! Escriba!
La vida normal.
Lea! Lea! Lea!
Que día, dice la cabeza.
Un día que está llenado con responsibilidades
Necesito ir aquí, ahí
Como siempre, no estoy terminado.
Otra cosa necesito hacer aquí, ahí.

Anduve al aéropuerto con mi mama,
Me dijo "te amo," sus maletas circa de sus pies.
Te amo, mi mama.
Ella es la más importante; también mi familia; mi novio...

Mañana será otro día
Y me encontraré las otras responsibilidades
Con energía, con mi Dios
Mi espiritu estará bien y también mi salud.
Mañana será otro día.

So really right now I should be writing my story for State Press Magazine, but I'm jumping on here briefly to send a link out to all y'all who are interested in reading the story I worked so hard on---it's about prostitution and Apache Blvd. The area most effected is next to campus--a 2-mile span. Anyhoo, hope you get a chance to read it because I worked hard on it.
Hasta

http://www.asuwebdevil.com/issues/2004/09/16/arts/681050

Just a little note for y'all..
Getting really busy with school and newspaper stuff, so forgive me if you don't read anything new for the next week. Don't forget about me though! I'm sure I'll have a million things to write on here after my article is finally published and my trip to Monterrey, Mexico nears. Until then, mis amigos, gracias por su tiempo...
Hasta luego.

Heather...Again

It was Friday night and I stood by, waiting as they questioned the man. The night was warm, the sky was black. I had been silently praying off and on throughout the previous evening and throughout my day. She hadn't left my mind. I had never felt a burden like that before.
I took in my surroundings. The beat up cars parked several yards away. The grass, parched by the glare of the Arizona sun. A can of tuna resting on a concrete ledge, partially eaten, covered in ants. No wonder the strays were fat, I thought.
The apartments were mostly dark and quiet and a few residents ambled about. I don't remember their faces.
But I do remember her.
At first, I thought I was imagining things. I blinked a few times and peered at her. It'd be strange if it didn't end up being her, I thought to myself.
But it was.
Heather? I asked.
She looked at me, studying my face, trying to recognize.
It's me. Jen. From the other night? I said.
I was in disbelief.
Oh hi! she said, her thin arms wrapping around me as we embraced.
I couldn't believe it. Here she was, miles away from where we had first met only 24 hours earlier.
That's so funny. I came here on a whim to see my friend, she said.
I told her I was a writer at ASU. Just working on a story.
She had gone to school for a little while before everything started falling apart, she said. She wanted to be a photojournalist, maybe do something in the music scene.
I didn't press her for details. Lord, if it's meant to be, I know you'll make something happen. But I won't stop praying.
She smiled after she got my number. I didn't get hers. She doesn't have a permanent phone number. She stays in motels.

I was and still am completely dumbfounded by the experience. It further affirms in my mind that there is no such thing as a coincidence. No way. In this situation, how could there be?

Heather--j.g 9/2/04

What have I to offer
To the person who has none?
What is it I can do
To glorify the Almighty's Son?
I complain I have no money
While I spend it on a meal,
And I cry out for companionship
When all I have to do is kneel.

But she, who sits on the curb
Has no one, or so it seems,
She asks for spare change
In a desperation that demeans.

What brought her to this spot this night
Near the convenience store door,
Crumpled in a small ball
Not knowing what life is for?
Did she have a family?
A mom or a dad?
What brought her to this station
Sitting all alone and sad?

The words are halting
What am I to do?
Christ, what have I to say,
To bring this girl to you?

I didn't expect her to be open
Or for her even to agree,
But there she clutched my hand
And I wished she could be free.
The piercings, the tattoos,
I'd been around them for a while,
I used to judge those who had them
Maybe give them a run-of-the-mill smile.

Her blue eyes lined with black,
Looked back at me with surprise
Her tall skinny frame sat close,
As she bent her head and closed her eyes.

You gave me peace,
The words quite elementary,
And as I drove away,
Things I could've said came to me.

A warrior of prayer I am not,
At times I utter the same old thing,
And in that time when I was called,
I waited for the words that you would bring.

Lord, give me more like that
Let me give it all to them,
Lord, I have so much, I just can't stand it,
I don't even want to pretend!
I get caught up in my own world
Holding onto my own wealth,
And I dare not venture out into the night,
For my own safety and my health.

But Lord, you're my protector,
It's all in your guiding hands,
If this is not where you want me
Send me off to distant lands!
If it is here that you want me to stay
Provide me with more like her,
And I will do what you want
Even if a simple prayer is all I have to offer.

I'm still dealing with hardcore feelings that I would liken to homesickness. You know the feeling. You're away from home, maybe it was when you went to church camp when you were little or the time you were separated from your fiance for three weeks while he wandered around Ireland (oops, another personal experience...). Anyway, you know the feeling. Pit of your stomach, meloncholic, I-just-want-to-be-back-in-my-comfort-zone sort of feeling. It makes absolutely no, I mean NONE, no sense to me why I feel this way about Mexico and I'm sure you all are sooo sick of hearing about it from me by now, but I feel like I need to vent.
In my Chicano studies class today we had to read a very interesting article. One of the founders of The Association for Hispanic Journalists (I believe that's the name), wrote an article in which he addressed the fact that he calls himself "Hispanic" though his parents are both clearly white. Very controversial. He worked in Mexico, he marched for Mexican-American movements, and for this he calls himself "Hispanic." Interesting, huh?
We had a very VERY interesting debate in class and about 99% of the class felt that was wrong. It was like someone saying they could make themself Italian just by going and living in the country. There's so much more to the debate, but wow, it makes you think.
I definitely wouldn't ever call myself "Hispanic" just for loving the culture, the country and the language, though the language often times confounds me. (However, grasping a language was never thought to be an easy thing to accomplish nor meant to be, especially considering God separated us with the language barrier.) But for me it's all the more satisfying to be able to break that barrier and communicate with even more people and learn more about people who have led completely different lives, hold many different values and celebrate, interact and mourn differently than me. It's a celebration of diversity and taking lessons from others and learning that your way is not always the "right way" and that maybe, just maybe, there isn't a "right way" to do things.
My soul still hungers for my Mexico/border time. To wind through the roads, talk with the people and take in the atmosphere. Gosh.
I keep wondering when the desire will go away or at least dissipate, but it hasn't. Something's hooked me and I can't logically figure it out. I'm sure I've written this a million times, so here goes a million and one; I have no freakin' clue why I love the Mexican culture so much. Why? And who chose this? I certainly couldn't have forseen this happening, especially if you had talked to me in the fall of 2001, shortly after high school graduation, starting my first semester of my required foreign language; Spanish. I had thought to myself "well, clearly French wasn't all that beneficial to me because I never use it, but Spanish, yah, I'll use Spanish. I'll get my 4 classes done and know a sufficient enough amount of the language to get by." Little did I know that a mission trip in the fall to Hermosillo would change all that...
I saw the people. I spoke with them, my broken tongue and sheepish smiles amid nervous, embarrassed laughs. It was hard. And I craved more. I wanted to tell them about God, about the happiness I had, about what had changed me for the better. But I realized that I would not only need to overcome language barriers, but cultural ones as well. When will the cravings be satisfied? I'm not sure.
I'm studying Spanish literature right now in my SPA 325 class, however, what I should be studying is mi Santa Biblia so I can learn the Word.
Most importantly, in regards to my first trip to Hermosillo, I learned to love someone I couldn't even understand. I realized my inability to help and anything I was able to communicate had to come from God. It taught me dependence, though even now I strive for more knowledge so I can depend on myself. But as with many things I'm learning, it will never be perfect. I have to trust.
So who knows what comes from my love, the special afinity I have for Mexico, especially the border, but I'm willing to go where God wants me.
I thought I left my heart in Hermosillo, but now I realize that it's just in Mexico. I just need to figure out how I'm going to get it back or if I even can...

Nogales: Mi amor---j.g. 8/30/04

It washes over me,
The nostalgia, the memories,
The dividers, the flood lights,
The smell of the air, drenched in los perros calientes.
The lines of cars, wading into the gaps,
The begger and her small child, the trash bags.
The ribby dogs digging through half-eaten remnants on the ground,
The men sleeping in the parks, under trees, on benches.
Filth, poverty, hunger and pain
Sitting on a balcony, eating, enjoying the rain.
A city full of life and death
Drugs and dreams.
The other side of the world
On the other side of the fence.
I long to venture back
Breathe in the taste of the air,
The sounds of the streets
The sights of the city
And the eyes of the dreamers.
Nogales, la frontera
Estas en mis suenos
En mi corazon
Y por siempre en mi vida.
Te amo, mi amor, Nogales,
Nunca voy a olvidarte
Siempre estas en mis suenos
Siempre estas en mis pensamientos.

Child's Song--jg 8/26/04
I can feel you creeping back in,
The walls tumbling down along with the sin.
I turned my face and walked away,
Feeling burdened, unable to pray.
I knew you were there standing right beside me,
Waiting for me to return from the blindness to again see.

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine...

The child's song echoes again in my brain
Oh to be back in that place, in that time again!
My biggest problem back then was sharing,
Sitting in Sunday school just learning about caring.
Believing the teacher when she said Jesus loved me
That he died on the cross to set me free.
Free from what? me, the child, asks
Free from all the household tasks?
I'm sure my teacher only smiled and told me "from sin"
But how could my small mind understand or even begin?

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine...

So easy to believe that there's more out there than what He gave me,
Wondering what I'm missing out on, unable to see.
As He again enters, I rejoice with each new victory,
I cry to him with happiness as I relearn his story.

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine...

There is hope.

Mourning Shadow--jg 8/25/04

My eyes were blurred,
But I met with you,
Curled up in your arms
And asked you what to do.
I find myself
In the shadow of your wings,
And I sit at your feet to listen
As time's pendulum swings.
I wish I could stay here forever,
Where time seems to stand still
And revel in the moment of that day
When you relate to me your will.
Search my heart
Define my soul
Tell me what I need to do
To kneel and be made whole.

I've searched for empty answers
From logic that couldn't fill
And I continue reaching for the things
That are so clearly outside of your will.
My ever-wandering heart is calm
As I look to you and sigh,
No matter how far I wander
It is to you I will confide.

So guess what my only class tomorrow is...take a guess, just one guess...
No, not Spanish...math? Ha! Yeah right!
ULTIMATE FRISBEE!!!!! WHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOO! I'm more than excited to take this class. Every Wednesday and Friday at 9:40 I will be running around with a frisbee playing one of the greatest sports known to man. However, I have met a handful of people who had never heard of ultimate before. I feel sorry for them. They're missing out.
Anyway, so my big goal is to learn how to throw the Frisbee over-hand so that it, like, twists sideways in mid-air and goes where I want it. That would be boss! I hope they can teach me that because I need to figure a strategy out to overcome the "shortness" factor. What I mean by that is, ultimate seems to attract really tall, big guys and I'm not so tall (5'4), so it's really hard to get around them, you know? I'd love to get better and then go beat the pants of the Grace Community players--oops. Did I say that out loud? Nah, I'm just kidding. Those guys are great and honestly, they only doubted me until they saw that I could run, catch and throw. Then they were cool and I was the secret weapon. Kind of.
Classes went well today although I was very close to embarrassing myself. It's a really short story to tell orally, however I've already written it in an e-mail and realized that it takes a lot more to write it out and, though I am fearless when it comes to writing long blogs (as most of you "regulars" know--I think I have a few "regulars" out there...), I would rather not write it out because frankly, it's not all that great. Suffice to say I was very close to catching foot-in-mouth syndrome in front of a class of about 150. No problem though. I'm confident in myself.
My classes will be busy this semester with lots of reading and I have to balance this whole Mexico trip class and State Press Magazine stuff, but all in all I think it'll work out. I suppose we'll see how it goes later on in the semester.
Alrighty kids. That does it for me. I'm starting to get a little sleepy--maybe I'm finally starting to fall back into my "normal" sleep schedule of 10 p.m to 6 a.m. Well, it's 11, but it's close enough, right?
Hasta, gente. Quiero regresar a Mexico para hablar con la gente y pasar el tiempo cerca de la frontera!!!!!!!!!! :*(

Hope my "monster poem" didn't scare anyone--it tends to scare me from time to time, but as of right now, the monster has left the building. Keep me in your prayers that God would strengthen my walk with Him and that I would be able to get back on track with my own spiritual growth. It's the only way to fight the monsters off or at least keep them at bay...
It's been a decent weekend, but as usual, it felt very short and this week doesn't look like it's going to be a bowl of cherries either. (Did that make sense?)...I'm still tarrying on with the wedding plans--I think we've now figured out what we want for the cake, but the most important part, at least to Obadiah ;), is how it's going to taste, so I suppose we'll be trying out cake flavors or debating for the next several weeks...
We also met with a DJ today, and unfortunately, he's not going to be ours, but the company's good and supposedly his second-in-command is excellent as well, so we'll see. At least that's been squared away and it's a great deal.
Still waiting on the photographer and the caterer; the two biggest things aside from figuring out guest numbers. And we're doing our premarital counseling, though right now it consists of going through studies together. I'm really enjoying the studies except for when the book says things like "romance tends to die after the first six months, though some say it's more like after two or three years and then you'll see the REAL person." yikes! Who's safe to marry if THAT's true???
How will you ever know what you're getting yourself into, so to speak? Seriously, am I the only one who finds that little sentence just slightly disturbing? I mean, I feel like I'm making a great decision here and then all of a sudden WHAM! "By the way (said in an ever-so-sugary-sweet-tone), the person you've agreed to marry? Well, he's not going to exist three years from now."
Dude, why aren't there more books for engaged couples out there, by the way? Does someone just not realize how friggin' hard it is to be engaged and in that limbo stage? It's like in college group the other night. All the singles can stick around to watch the movies and all you marrieds just go home and have sex...WELL WHAT THE HECK, WHAT ABOUT US??!!
Anyway, my theory about the lack of encouraging and guiding books for engaged couples, is that those who are experiencing the engaged-couple-planning-a-wedding-syndrome are too dang busy planning a wedding to even THINK about writing a book, much less READING a book. Which brings me to our next wonderful topic: School.
Yes, boys and girls, tomorrow is my first day of my Senior year in college. Wait. That means this is my last first-day-of-school...ever. Unless I go back, which I highly doubt. Wow. Last first day of school ever....
So I'll be cracking the books open this week and also preparing for the Mexico trip class, taking Media Law, Chicano Studies, Hispanic Literature (in Spanish, of course), and Ultimate Frisbee (the best class in my schedule, if you ask me). Plus, as I've said before, I'll be writing for the magazine section of the paper at school. Whoohoo.
Enough of my rantings and ravings. You get the gist. My life is busy. I'm planning a wedding. I'm going through emotional turmoil yatta, yatta, yatta. Blah blah blah. I'm really not trying to complain because I really do love my life. I hope that comes across here and that it's not just about my frustrations or difficulties. But then again, you've entered my thoughts, my heart and my own reflections so it's not always going to be sun-shiny and rose-colored, is it?
Better get going and start cleaning a room that hasn't been touched since I got back last Sunday (que terrible!). Tomorrow's class doesn't start until 4:40--oh woe is me! :)
Hasta gente!

In the Absence of Perfection--j.g 8/20/04
Three months without it,
The monster has returned.
Scratching at the very foundations I've built,
The ones I couldn't seem to control.
The hateful words long etched into my brain,
The rippling words of defeat.
You're not good enough,
Take the next step and your life is over.
Over...
Over.
Swirling attacks from nowhere creep up beside my bed
As I sleep,
The monster returns.
Where did its foothold come from?
Where did it get its invitation?
How do I close the door
To the meloncholic sadness that inevitably follows?
Not good enough
Never will be.
The fight never ends, nor will it ever.
My heart will continue grasping for his words
And His Word.
But when will the monster be gone forever?
And take the rolling agony away.

The unattainable perfection I long for
Sits neatly beside the door.
Too heavy to pick up, serenly out of reach.
Grappling with this idea of imperfection.
Siempre to be flawed.
Siempre,
Me
And me
Alone.

So I see there are no takers on the investment opportunity I noted yesterday in my blog...bummer. I really wanted that house. After more thought, I realized we can't put it here in Arizona, no, we'd have to put it somewhere exotic and rainy...like the rainforest. lol, there ya go, I'm a quick one I tell ya. Maybe like Costa Rica or something--that place is rainy right? Or England? My vote's for Costa Rica, personally...
My fun toy of the month, maybe even the year is my new cellphone. My mom got an upgrade after renewing the contract so now I'll have a smaller, more professional-looking flip phone. I think my favorite feature (aside from personalizing each person's ring) is the speakerphone. I already cracked up over it because I didn't realize it was on. The Verizon lady and I were trying to activate my phone so we had to call it and do all this junk. We ended up hearing all of the elevator music over speakerphone--k, so this is more difficult to explain than I thought it'd be. It was funny, but I guess you'd have to be there.
My dad leaves for England tomorrow--maybe that's where I'm getting my England-glass-house thing from...anyway, he'll be gone for quite a while which kinda stinks because we haven't been able to get back onto our daddy-daughter-dinner night for a while now. We sort of made it a tradition to get together at Souper Salad every Thursday evening for dinner to catch up on the happenings of life and transition our relationship a bit. I'd say it's worked, however since last semester between my schedule and his traveling and me being gone this past summer, the dinners have been postponed. But it's cool. I know we'll get back on track again...
So I'll take him to the airport tomorrow...4 o'clock, 4 o'clock. I have to remember. I'm just terrible about remembering things sometimes.
Tomorrow night is college group night, which should be fun. It took a little adjusting the week before when I was there because the dynamics are just so different from what I'd gotten used to in Tucson. I cherish peace and quiet now. In fact, I think I've voluntarily turned on the television maybe twice since I've been back, which has been about 5 days now. That isn't too shabby. I just hope that it remains that way because over the break I realized how much it can take over your life. All of a sudden I only had the "regular" channels--i.e. no cable. That meant no MTV, no TLC and no NBC. Well, okay, so NBC was still there, but I was trying to be clever with the call numbers. Anyway, after a while I noticed that I didn't miss it that much and then when it came to sitting down and watching TV for a little while, I got bored with it and grabbed a book instead. Great huh? I say, let's ban television for good. Movies every once-in-a-while, but otherwise, nada. Who needs it huh? I can waste my time blogging instead, which, I have to tell you, like Ben, I really missed it. I couldn't really blog for a week and I was going stir crazy. Now that I'm back, I'll be trying to write as frequently as possible. But between jobs, school and wedding planning, I don't know how often that will be this semester.
Congratulations to my friends Robert and Angela on being pregnant! So awesome! I'm so incredibly excited for them and just awed and stunned. I was really shocked when they told me because it felt like it was from out in left field. Wow. Amazing. I think it's also finally hit me like a ton of bricks: That could be me in a year or two or less. Please God, don't make it in less than two years!!!! I get this feeling of slight panic by the thought because I just don't feel ready, like i have so much more growing to do both spiritually, mentally and experientially (is that a word?). What I mean by my last word, if that is a word, is that I feel like there's so much more of life I want to experience before a kid enters the picture. Don' t get me wrong, I am soooo looking forward to having kids--but someday. I'm talking maybe when I'm 25. That might be nice. Gosh, Lord, help me with these thoughts. Why do I fear those things? Take my life, give me peace, for I know you have plans for me, plans to prosper me and care for me. You desire to give me strength and wisdom. Lord, I want to be your servant and I want to do it when you want it. If that means I have a kid on my hip, around my ankle and hanging on my arm, so be it. I just want to be where you want me and doing what you want me to be doing. I know that will be the perfect place; maybe not the easy or fun one, but the place where you want me. Show me what you want of me, guide me along that path. I'm yours. Take me where you want me.
Nighty night. Hasta.

Just got back from youth group and it was great tonight. I ran into an old friend I went to high school, church and all of the church conventions and camps with. It's such a crazy thing to me, how small this world really is. You never know who you'll run into. In fact, I ran into my first boyfriend the other day who told me he had run into my sister a few months ago and she had told him that I'd gotten engaged. So the first thing out of his mouth was "congratulations! I heard you got engaged!" It's funny to think back on those juvenile memories, you know? The awkwardness and the whole cheesy junior high thing of just holding hands to designate that you're "going out." I can't help but smile a little over that whole escapade. He was one of three boyfriends I've had in my entire life and really, the other one didn't count. And the last one counted the most ;)
Anyway, I affectionately refer to myself as "tangent Jen" from time to time and I'm sure it's very apparent why I call myself that, especially on this blog.
Tonight, as I drove home from the church, I couldn't help but have that feeling in my gut that I should just keep driving on a night like tonight. The sky is so dark and clear and yet there was a steady rain. I know a lot of people say you shouldn't be out driving when it's rainy or whatever, but for me, I feel like that's what I should be doing. Drive somewhere and just park and stare. Keep good ol' Norah Jones on and just cruise for a while. Feel like time is standing still, that the night will never end and responsibility will never again come knocking on your door. Reckless abandon, just keep driving until the gage reads "E" or the gaslight comes on. On a night such as this, I wish I owned a room that was just basically a box made of glass. I'd love to build one of those way out in the middle of nowhere...maybe put a lightning rod on top or whatever you have to do to keep from being struck...and just sit in there on a couch, wrapped up tightly in a comfy blanket looking around as the raindrops cascade down the sides and patter onto the roof. I've looked for a similar place in Mesa, but I don't think one even remotely close to that idea actually exists. How very disappointing. Someday I'll build a glass house in the middle of nowhere---a nowhere that's completely absent of any rocks or heavy, throwable objects that may ruin my perfect rainy place. My heart longs for that place of solitude in this moment. I can't see the rain from where I am--just the wall and a computer screen, a bookcase in my periphery.
Oh Norah, take me to my glass house! Keep the sunshine away for a few days and let me just lie there and stare at the sky and the rain and the tiny beads of water sticking to the sides of my house.
Anyone want to invest in a glass house in the middle of nowhere? We could partner up on it...I'd be willing to share my perfect rainy place as long as everyone stayed perfectly quiet. It'd be my perfectly quiet writing rainy place. I wonder if I could get wireless internet there...how expensive do you think that'd be? I bet I could find investors...
I'm going to retreat to my not-so-perfect rainy place, otherwise known as my single-window bedroom. I love it, but now it just doesn't measure up to my perfectly quiet writing rainy place in the middle of nowhere. But I'll survive and I'll keep dreaming and thinking about it.
A mi me encanta la lluvia y mi lugar de lluvia. En el futuro, tendre mi lugar de lluvia. Hasta.

Today's been a busy one. Researching on the computer, getting little errands taken care of and writing an article have kept me on my toes, not to mention gearing up for other articles and classes I have to prepare for. Man, I want to go back to my layed back life in Tucson! Help me!
Tonight I'll go to youth group for the first time since May 20something when Obadiah proposed. I've been so caught up in school and articles and whatever else that I haven't been able to make it for a while. I really hope that changes this year, but I suppose only time will tell...
One thing I didn't mention last night because I thought it was minor, was that I kinda, well, biffed it while hiking yesterday. I mean, it was graceful, from what my dad said, and to me, it felt very slow-mo. The tread on my running shoes are toast from running on concrete and all that jazz, so stepping on a semi-slippery/smooth rock did not help me much. I fell onto a rock and thank goodness, I didn't keep sliding otherwise, who knows? Maybe I'd have a cactus stuck to me or something. Anyway, my graceful fall did not feel so graceful to my backside--I don't know what I did, but it sure feels like I fractured the very tip of my tailbone. I can't plop into my car the same way and I get a nice big twinge of pain if I cough or sneeze. Who knew?
So hopefully that feels better soon, but what do you do for something like that? I think it'd look pretty strange if I was sitting on an ice pack....okay, I'm not taking this discussion any further than that. Forgive me!
I better go get ready for youth night. Hasta!

So I went hiking with my parents tonight. It was a lot of fun--beautiful night to do it. We went to South Mountain and hiked in a few different areas. I think my favorite part of it (aside from running some of it) was seeing the sky change a million different colors as the sun set. I love how one minute a fluffy cloud near the horizon will look pale and grey and the next a brilliant orange or red with the sky offsetting it with a majestic purple or deep blue. Gorgeous. I love God's creation!
Anyway, we went to dinner after hiking and then I talked wedding stuff with my mom. The whole planning this is quite a struggle just because it feels as if there are always a million things to be done or looked into, you know? It's like, great, we figured out the church, but now we have to figure out how to decorate it, when the ceremony will be, how the ceremony will be, how long it's going to take...shoot, let's just go elope!
And I would, but I love my family and my friends and I want to share that day with them. Not just a reception, but that moment of saying "I do." The culmination of over two years of seeing a friendship and then a relationship blossom. It's a beautiful and special and meaningful thing to me at least.
Like I said, we talked wedding stuff a little bit and then I came in here feeling slightly "harried." So I've been online researching things, looking up e-mails and figuring out just how much I can spend on favors and how much of this wedding will come out of my pockets gradually so we can have those we want at the wedding, at the wedding. No where in this process have I gone to take a shower...so I can smell myself. Hey, guys do it all the time, so don't tell me that me sitting here reaking is anything worse than a guy doing it...
So just a few more moments of "reaking..."
My stories are rolling a little bit and I can't wait to set off on my fun-filled journeys for my cover stories. I'm stoked about both because they're definitely "edgy" for me, but they're things I think will be news and will be very interesting. Both are sort of underground activities that some may be aware of...but I can't get into either. Suffice to say that at least one of them involves Mexico directly and indirectly. I love that...
I'm starting with the dot, dot, dotting again, forgive me. I'm sure it's slightly obnoxious.
So if you see anything wedding related around or happen to think of me and my wedding, send up a prayer to the big guy for me cuz things are a little crazy. That Little White Wedding Chapel sounds better by the minute, but I know I'd regret it to an extent.
Time to hit the showers. Tomorrow is another day of reporting and hopefully writing. I'd like to get at least one of my stories done tomorrow and then completely focus on the other one and get it done by deadline Saturday. Very strange to have deadlines on Saturdays... (again, the dots...shoot.)

I'm going through withdrawals.
Visions of Altar and Nogales filled my dreams last night. I saw them again. I was back at the bus station. Their backpacks were slung over one shoulder, Coca Colas from a nearby vending machine perched in their hands. Waiting, again, to leave.
The truck bouncing down the dirt road on a night filled with stars and darkness. Vans speeding down the stretch on their way to a place of no return for some. I felt the heat, the stickiness of that night. I saw the rows of backpacks, toiletries for their survival.
I'm coming down from a sleep hangover of sorts from sleeping too much...dreaming too much. My body seems to crave the sleep deprivation that came from those adrenaline-filled nights. Maybe it'll go away in a few days or a few weeks. Maybe the grip of the border is just tight from the newness of the separation. The addiction is tightly wound by a sense of longing today.
The questions resurface. I thought I'd clearly answered them over a month ago when the adventure had first begun. How could anyone love the crowded streets, the mangy dogs, the cracked pavement and dirty towns? Filth in the gutters, in the "massage parlors," the strip clubs and transvestite hang outs.
I saw the towering police chief and his chronies. I heard the music from the discotecas floating into the streets; Usher crooning "yeeahh," Nelly, "it's gettin' hot in here." Nogales, porque te amo?
I'll go back to school in less than a week, but I'll miss the schooling I had this summer on the border where the subject was less about books and more about life. A tale of survival and corruption.

Today was fabulous. I love the new staff I'm going to be working with so far. But then again, those are only first impressions ;) . Anyhoo, we were brainstorming ideas and yes, many were along the college lines--stuff that'll appeal to the college-aged and my hope is that if we can draw people in, then if we do things that are more political or serious, then we may get their attention and they may just read those articles. We'll see.
I'm looking forward to just stretching my creativity and myself. I have a few good ideas, but my favorites are the quirky ones and I can't wait to find more of those throughout the semester.
Back to school shopping. It's not the kind of shopping I'm most fond of.
I had to peruse the college bookstore today to get my books for class. I ended up with a $200 tab. And that was just books. I still had to get school supplies and all that jazz. I finally bought a business card holder--had no idea they existed until I saw Michael the border reporter carrying one. Thanks Michael. So I'm set there...
Still trying to figure out what's going on with the nannying thing. So very confused, but we'll see...
Well, I'd like to talk about all of my fun ideas and the more investigative, serious ones, but that's not a good idea. I do trust you all, you know, but you never know what eyes will see these things...
I don't know why I keep dot, dot, dotting....shoot, there I go again! I guess I'm just doing stream of consciousness and don't have a lot of "deep thoughts" today.
All right, I'm resisting the urge to dot, dot, dot, so before I do it again, I'm putting an end to this blog. I hope to continue blogging as often as possible throughout the semester, so forgive me if I end up slacking.
Hasta!